At this hour I know it's to late.
For writing and thinking.
Being restless mind spinning.
Words keep on chasing.
Heartbeat is racing.
Controlling my breathing.
In bed so revealing.
I should be dreaming.
Under warm blanket
so appealing.
Eyes are almost closing.
I find myself dozing.
Sweet dreams
before I am sleeping.

I cultivated something under the snow
Sewed it deep to watch it grow
I felt the roots take and the warmth on my face
Resonating from the hearts I had froze

I shuddered against the intense heat
Battling my soul within a heartbeat
The seconds pass but the moments last
As the past slowly puts me to sleep

And of what should I dream but the bloodless seeds
And their chilled heartbeat from underneath
The silence sweeps as I wake and weep
And reflect, I respect that I cut too deep
And your demons escaped
But in my defense, recompense was achieved,
You did bleed, but never believed in Band-Aid
And every hand laid against you was desired
You're hardwired for self-defeat

I crush myself amidst my own callous hate
Bringing to light a dreadful new fate
With scars that burn and the images they create
Collapsing, falling under the massive weight
And suddenly you surround me
Making it difficult to breathe
But all the lies you never did believe
A layer of doubt hidden beneath
Typically speaking, you never say what you mean

Your head is so hard,
It could break me to pieces,
But your touch is so soft
That my heartbeat, it ceases
For a short amount of time
Until you break me once more;
Your heart wants to love me,
But you're mind closes its door.

No more sparkle
in her eyes.
No more smiling
on her face.
No more heartbeat you
can trace.
No more pain
you feel.
It has left your
body so real.
I can't believe your
officially gone.
My memories of you
still holding strong.

and you said to me,
"You are everything I love and miss from home."
Darling, just know that as long as my heart beats and air makes it's way through my lungs, you will always have a home with me.

-O.B

If I had to give a reason for why I had to make her leave me – it was easy. For a start, I couldn’t leave her. It was impossible for me – yet to push her over the edge was the easiest thing in the world, to force her to hate me so much she would never come back. Now, the reason I wanted her to leave me was obtuse, narcissistic and insane – I blamed her. It was her fault I hadn’t made a movie yet, written a book, travelled the world. It must’ve been her fault cos it sure as hell wasn’t mine.

After a drink, my savoir and solace – it spiralled into my lap that way, into ease. I didn’t even have to try, for in a way the intoxicated infected brain tried to teach me what was right – what I meant and what I could never let go. The darkest corners of oblivion took over me.

It happened so much more quickly than I could ever imagine. She cut me straight like a knife, like I never could. Like all the years, all the days, all the affection meant nothing. It could never have been so easy for me and the rejection that dawned was something I was untouched by – until this moment. And it hurt like a razor skimming your ankle. Like a cut to the throat.

Luckily, sadness fuels something else in me. A desire I was chasing, a desire to be everything I had ever wanted.

I spent so long trying to break free yet all I’m left with is sadness, isolation and regret.

I want you back like nothing I’ve ever felt before.

The heart pumps
beats, fast and slow
opens, to the wrong people
closes, to the people who open their hearts to you
The heart is flexible,
bends
shrinks
hardens
softens
however, breaks the easiest
it is fragile, flammable, soluble, and ferocious
a heart is loud
blinding, deafening, screeching noise
it reverberates to support
however falls with just one fallowed swoop
one sentence
one blink
one touch
a heartbeat is an echo
a prayer
a mother’s wish
a signal to every corner of your veins
a heart travels to all, but only reaches to a few
it engages with no remorse
no regret
if only we could stop listening to it
life would be easier to live
but to live without a heart, is to die with a heavy soul

your heart is a lighthouse
a pulsating light
flickering off in the distance
thrown against the fog
billowing in the unknown
its visible
seen
even when you think otherwise
it’s within grasp for anyone who wants it
it matters
it’s yours