I've found my new obsession.

Smirk affixed to his face
with sarcastic remarks
and slippery words,

mysterious in that stupid
teenage way.

I'd **** to hear what he has to say
about the nonsensical *******
we're forced to endure
each day
that the government calls an
"education".

I'm sure
his opinions on how
we're taught to the standardized tests,
nothing more
and nothing less
could cause enough raw power
to run the whole of New York City
for a month.

Though, too, I'd **** to learn
the terrain of his lips
as our bodies
slammed
against lockers,

oblivious classmates
a wall away
consumed by the
awesome
world of geography,
missing out on something
so
much
more.

He and I,
we'd know what more is,
we'd know how to consume it,
how to keep it at bay,
how to work it
like a hat,
a hat we aren't allowed to wear
at school.

We'd laugh at our own obscurity,
and shared secrets
would run through our veins
like blood,

one cut and it all spills

Big loud words,
Never heard.


-Watercolour

I never said I loved you, John.
But I did.
I never said I saw you, John
but I did.
I never said I heard you, John.
but I listened.
For all the good it did to me.

Tonight
I turned
a corner

the  understanding
listeners
heard me.

Cj  2016

All she ever wanted was to be heard,
Not through her voice or speech,
But actually listen,
Of what she didn't say.

She's tired of people saying that its not real,
That its just her voices in her head,
She knows that in the back of her mind,
Those things are real,
And its been taking a toll on herself.

They're telling her that's not how she actually feel,
But they have never been hungry like her,
Starving for a peace of mind,
How her worries are actually hurting her.

Someone who has never seen her book;
Read her written pages,
Could not begin to imagine the horrors,
Where nightmare and realities are alike.


-HIY

Set forth
and use that weapon
so meticulously handcrafted
with care and attention
throughout your life.

That weapon you've always known
but couldn't quite bring to use
on the tip of your tongue
and always on your mind.

That weapon set aside
by belief the sword is mightier,
I pray thee:
raise it high
so all may see
in the sky.

Wen all is lost pain is there
Al hopes crashes down,
And all your dreams die.

Pain you fell wen she broke your heart,
Not knowing what you felt
She is  a killer
With 4 words she destroys you
I,don't,love, you, she whisper

She seed suddenly, and all clouds fall in line starting to cry and thunder, bark and misty,
Left nothing but a broken men with a hole on he's chest,

Forever feeling her life is dying
But the doctors keep on lying.
"Your daughter will be fine,
Just give her some time."

But she wasn't okay
Because your baby girl took her life today.
She couldn't keep running
And she wouldn't stand living.

Her silent plea's for love
Left her heart on black doves.
"I'm in pain"
Her innocence cut, her pride slain.

Her cries fell on deaf ears
So no one realized her fears.
No one saw her fatal change
Until her heart was out of range.

She wrote out letters
Saying her life would be better.
She laid the pistol on her heart
And blew her body apart.

Her parents cry themselves to sleep
And all her friends weep.
They loved that girl well
And left her alone in Hell.

Maybe her soul can be free
And everyone will see
The lost life of one teen
And the love there could have been.

If I never wrote
people would never know that I live--
does that matter--
it sure does to me.

That when my thoughts
and words
all my experiences
never hinted to involve another person.

How can anyone ever know:
that I think
I ponder
and I thrive
that amongst all my knowledge,
desperately I pander
for the eyes atop hills
and inside the trees around me

to speculate about my life,
when the wind brushes
through my hair
and sweeps across plains
knocking into trees
and leaking into your homes.

There are hints of my brevity
lingering within the air
and next time you speak
you'll realize that these words,
are not yours alone
but the words I've snuck
into your mind
with the wind.