Somewhere between not yet and no longer. Do you know it? You can find me there. Sit, please, tell me how you hurt. Share with me all the thoughts that keep you up at night, and indulge me in the little quirks you've mastered to fill that space between not yet and no longer. I have cigarettes and all the time in between.
I believe some people were born to be lonely, and I'm believing more and more we were born to be seen, and not understood. But I don't want to be seen or understood. One is too humble, the other too grandiose. I long for some place in between - I long to be heard. What an incredibly lonely place that is.
I know not how to remedy the gaps between two opposing chemicals. Too happy. Too sad. Too alone. Too needy. The cycle goes on and carries me from here to there, too quickly, or too slowly. I just do what I'm told and take my pill. 'ONE at night' and self medicate with caffeine and nicotine in between.
Now I smoke more than I ever have. I don't know if I'm trying to fill a space or **** something inside of me. Either way it passes the time between now and finding out, between not yet and no longer.