I have never seen
a world as dark as this
its shadows create monsters
knarled teeth and clashing fingers

i have never seen
a world as bright as this
warmth that grabs the heart
and pushes fears away from you

i have never seen
a world as gray as this
where words are two dimensional
and people drift like the northern wind

i have never seen
a world such as this.

My chenille duvet covers me
Consumes me
It has swallowed me up again and let me escape
To a world where the bills don’t exist
My homework is finished
The dishes don’t need to be done
The cats are fed and fast asleep
My son obeys to go to school and listen to his teachers

My chenille duvet hides my reality
The reality that
The bills still aren’t paid
The dishes are still there
The homework keeps piling up
The cats are at the foot of my bed, begging to be fed...again
My son has yet again skipped school and tried to come home, not knowing that i am under my duvet

My chenille duvet allows me to feel no pain
It allows me to forget
Even if for a little while
Under my chenille duvet, the world is silent
My feet are warm
My mind stops racing
My heart stops beating as if ravaged through my chest
I can breathe

Every day gets a little bit harder to leave my duvet
My old ragged gray soft duvet
I long for you during the day

On the days when i am in class and don’t have my homework to hand in, because i am so tired
On the days i get a call from my sons school asking where he is, when i know i dropped him off
On the days i get home, and the dishes are still there
On the days i get home from a 12 hour day, and realize i forgot to buy cat food again
On the days i come home and cringe going up the stairs as i pray they didn’t turn my electric off again.

My gray soft fuzzy duvet, I miss you
Why can’t you console me all the time?
I don’t want you to leave me
I need you to stay and make it all go away

Black and White--
are the droplets of my feelings tonight.

Dark and Gray--
shades that ruined my vision, it was mascara like twilight.

Without you he is lost;
   His mind searches for an answer,
   His thoughts falling into narrow, twisted tunnels
   Of what ifs and what should have beens.

Without you his lips are a desert,
   And his heart a tundra. To him it is all the same:
   Vast, desolate land. A stagnant nothingness,
   Haunted by shapeless shadows.

Without you he is betrayed
   By the swathes of shimmering stars in the
   depths of the cosmos – by the notion
   that everything was possible, that the universe was good.

Without you he cannot tell
   The difference between human touch
   And the searing sensation of a white-hot branding iron.
   (Which leaves a mark, and which hurts more?)

Because without you he is lost,
   A single alien species floating in the clouds
   Above rolling hills and sprawling meadow,
      Bone-dry canyons and ancient forests,
         And snowy peaks and stormy seas.
      Miles above the earth he may find quiet,
         But he never will find peace.

I go to this place where I feel insane
And I go to it again and again
One of these times it'll leave a stain
But, somehow it always rains

To wash out all the colors
It takes away from the endless amount of colours
And tug on everyone's collars

I sometimes think I should pick up some paints
Then maybe I could finally repaint the colors
That have been missing from my world
They just get washed away
Into the rough

It downpours, just to decay
Everything it touches turns gray
Is there a debt that I have to repay?
All I have to pay with is grey

I have heard birds sing happily
And I wonder at the legality
Of having fun in this place of insanity
I want I to end entirely

There's a man that has the power
He controls the rain
And destroy the colors again
Somehow I always thought he was bigger
But it is I, who pulls the trigger

Standing on the hillside
Stilled winds blanket my skin
I close my eyes and embrace
Worms born of skies and clouds
Blank are the colors they inspire

Lying on the hillside
Earth's feathers caress my limbs
I close my eyes and imagine
My bed sinking beneath the ground
Under may I breathe better than above

Falling down the hillside
Sunless upon the town, small and wilting
I close my eyes and remember
Sensations akin to this, akin to innocence
Come the end of my fall, will either of us stand?

Before this old hillside
A body still as corpses about the air
Open eyes shimmer, puddles of rain
Ashes, dirt and dust swim about this sprawled figure
Clothing for naught, now flesh sings with Her whole

Grey eyes
Gray hair
Lost in her hopeless sea of despair.

Floating from day to day
like smoke
leaving from the lit cigarette
upon her lips.

Grey sweater
Gray shoes
She has no friend that isn't a bottle of *****.

Night to night
she sees no light.
Lost in the fog
that covers her eyes.

Grey face
Gray hands
left to the dirt in no man's land.

year after year
she gets closer to their fear
of becoming the grim reaper's dear.

Grey heart
Gray soul
she's spiraling out of control.

Jumping off cliffs
and biting their chapped lips
she's on the road to her death.

I am standing at the front of the line
We all know that it's about that time
You can't say I never tried
And even now it's costing me my life
Will you remember me if I die?
I try so hard

I try and I try
So hard that some would cry
But I'm not that okay
It's just that cloudy day
Showing my life
Is ready to fade
To darkness and no longer gray

Feelings are gone
Numb from too much being over shone
No more please
There's too much going on
Anymore and my lifeline will be gone

I'm shattering
Broken pieces are falling
My soul see's the light, it's calling
The mirrors reflection wants my hand
To lead me from this land
What more could I want
Sweet bliss

An eternity of nothing