Silent
Ever expanding darkness
Nothingness surrounds my thoughts
When concerned with you
The darkness turns to fire
My skin bubbles and burns
Every horrible possibility comes to life
Playing behind my eyes
Tearing my insides to shreds
Over happenings yet to happen
Morbid days pass
With thoughts so painful
My color drains
The sky's stay so gray
Everyday all the feelings drain away
Replaced with pain
A constricting heart
Breathing hurts
My blood runs cold
Shut off from rational thoughts
My mind wonders to all thoughts grim
Silent ever expanding darkness
Turns to nothingness

I grew up weird.
Both fast, and painfully slow.
I understood everything and nothing.
Socially, I started confident and grew awkwardly
first in the sun, then bending away from such bright attentions. Academically I started out running, always ahead,
always the best, the brightest. Straight As and
mismatched clothes, socially lost
yet somehow showing
'great potential'.

Now I've learned a lot.
All blacks and grays, I've finally
mastered at least a portion of my shortcomings
but its too late. Because I've grown up and its shifted again
analytically I see it, can emulate it, but it isn't
familiar or comfortable, it took me
years to catch up and I'm
still behind.

I've grown up weird.

Every path I take leads me nowhere
When where I want to go is home
I wish that I could choose the right way
I'm sick and tired of being alone

All my friends and all my family
All those I ever cared about
They lie awake at night and miss me
But I can't reach them by this route

All my ghosts and all my memories
All those who were ever so devout
They all cry and weep tears for me
But I cannot look back now

And when all paths lead me to nowhere
And I cannot get back home
All my friends and all my family
Will have to be alone

And every song I sing is depressing
Every chord a minor sound
Every day i stand here missing them
But my feet won't leave the ground

And I'm not on my way to Heaven
I won't sleep in Elysium
I will not join my fallen kin
God above won't call me home

But if I gathered all the starlight
That I gazed upon on my way
The glow would just be strong enough
To turn the black to gray

He laid the weight on her
Words heavier than hell
She carried them all
On her head in her heart
For once she truly lived
Only where she belonged
In his frayed arms
In his gray mind

I was jealous of
jade green oceans,
and the way they dance
when the sunlight hits
them just right.
Or, how I've ached
to wear a shade unbroken,
like the clear blue morning
with its cloudless skies.
I've even dreamed of dressing
in that cold steel gray,
that makes you want to stay
on those lonely rainy nights.
But, I've come to embrace
my amber sands,
that pull you in like the warmth
of the sun at noontime.
Only can my brown eyes
blossom and burst,
like the earth,
so tender and soft
after the storms subside.

Of all the things I am
I am not insane.

The reservoir is rising
And I'm sweating in my
Dress and white sneakers
And the sky is turning gray.

At least there are breezes
By the lake, although
I had a breakdown in the car
When Henry wasn't real.

Lele left me for Larry
And I'm struggling to write
Your prose as my own
Poem thoughts.

If it rains on the
Water I will never
Forgive the person who built
The glass cafe.

All the plastic communion cups in my purse
Cracked.

Prop my feet up on the dash
Make another societal
Faux pas and take one last sip of
Chandelier staircase filmstrips.

This kayak of mine
Has tipped.

Gold glitter
Only stays on the ceiling
When the upholstery is gray.

Church gyms are suddenly
Piggy banks to play
Basketball upon.

I will draw a city on
The bulletin board
And owl pushpins will inhabit it.

My mind is no longer in a
Casing of gray rick-rack
And suppositions I do not feel.

It is a precarious thing to
Play a solar piano
Under the midday sky.

Have you ever heard
A pumpkin-flavored
Volkswagen van?

It happened suddenly
That everything I could possibly
See became a photography contest.