the point of my last pen bleeds onto another scrap of paper and i wonder how many hours will pass until i don't hurt anymore. until i'll stop bleeding out like this pen. i've got printed photos of you showing a different face from a different time that seem to watch the formation of every word i'm breathing. and honestly i'm wondering how i got here... sewing thoughts together and then ripping them apart.

production and appearance are my worst enemies. exposing the soul is a delicate thing. because my mirrors (and yours) whisper lies just like everybody else. HA. many doe-eyed, naive girls before you have fallen into those untruths and drowned in their weight. and most boys are more insecure than their female counterparts... but no one speaks.

the day that i realized these facts is the day that i began to trust only the words i wrote on paper. the boredom made me write, but now i write to breathe.

I met a man.. that I believe..I have dreamt into existence.
He spoke life into my dreams, dried my tears, when I cried from my ever healing soul, planted lavender below my window sills, surfed the ups and downs of my complicated moods and patiently waits..

He's the constant, I never knew was real, the strength that keeps my back from bowing, the gentle...that soothes every doubt.

He's the description of what Love..is truly meant to be.

Is there a genuine,
              Me ....
        Under all these masks ????.....

From that day on,
I never seen the warm-fuzzies on your face
All I can see is woe and wretch
And now, after the doomsday of resentness
There lies your genuine happiness
Which fulfill my heart with a great bliss..

I scared you?
How could this be?
This isn't what I wanted to be
I'm a monster, can't you see?
Should not be allowed to breathe freely

Look around, look down, look up to the sky
Just want to be happy and live a happy life
But instead I am trapped and now I live a lie
Probably the best option is just to ******* die

If this is my destiny,
Because my kindness gets the best of me
And I've devolved into a monster
And I just wanna rest in peace
And not tear anyone else to pieces

What have I done and who am I now?
A demon by accident, lives being devoured

I didn't want to be like this, I just cared about you
An ambulance was in your street
What the **** else was I supposed to do?

If someone that you loved was feeling pretty bad
And a message from two weeks ago was all that you had
Wouldn't you be concerned?
Or would you just sit there?
They could be ******* dying and you wouldn't even care?!

Sorry if it seems wrong, to actually give a ****
About someone to the point that you wanna lend a hand
I'm sorry that my actions had you running scared
But I'm not sorry for the fact that I actually ******* cared

Out of genuine concern
Someone that I love is hurt
The pain of it makes my heart burn
I'm shutting down, signal red alert

So what are we now? Where do we stand?
Because to me this whole incident is rather unfair
I did what I did because I actually care
Not saying you're stupid but you misunderstand

I only wanted the best for you
Without considering the best for me
The rest of me
Contesting me
Condemning me
To solitary

It's just too painful to deal with alone,
If there were any way I could atone...

For actually caring, for not being cold
I'm done with this argument it's getting ******* old!

So I'll say it once again
I only wanted to be your friend
I've explained enough, I won't repeat
Because it burns my heart and I feel the heat

Out of genuine concern
Someone that I love is hurt
The pain of it makes my heart burn
I'm shutting down, signal red alert

skin so soft, lips so tender
i could stare at you forever.
you touch me, i start on fire
got me feeling like a livewire.
i would stroke your cheek for hours,
and hold your hand for years.
you calm my deepest fears,
and in my heart, you grow flowers.
your words embrace me like a warm hug,
your gaze calms me like a lullaby.
in your neck, my face fits snug
and you've got me feeling so high.
i feel safe, i feel loved
for the first time in forever.
i'm so used to being pushed and shoved,
but i know our love will never sever.
you look at me like i put the stars in the sky,
and i could talk about you for hours on end.
i know you could never tell me a lie,
and i know from you, my heart musn't defend.
you are more beautiful than you'll ever realize,
and i want you here with me for as long as possible.
we'll overcome any and all problems that may arise,
and i know with you, for me nothing is impossible.

I want to be written about is all.
I want to be a mysterious cute girl who seems to be enjoying her book a little too much as her tea is getting cold.
I want to be the bold girl, who isn't afraid to speak up and show you that she does not conform to society's wants of her.
I want to be the self-sufficient girl who rides her bike to the grocery store and back, regardless of all the extra weight.
I want to be the Eco-friendly girl who proclaims herself as an environmentalist and makes flyers to hang up around town: "save our planet!"
I want to be the girl with good music taste, who even if you don't enjoy her music, you enjoy talking about it with her because of her passion for her genres.
I want to be the intelligent girl, who has taken it upon herself to learn the alphabet in sign language for the fun of it, or strives to learn about the intelligence of ocean creatures.
I want to be so packed full of a personality that I am practically overflowing.
They say you can be anything you want to be -
So why not be everything?

You must be crazy
To be so crazy about me
Don't you know the only thing I can offer you is time
There is no guarantee within me.
But here you are so bright and beautiful
Eager to please
Wanting me to trust you.
And you have found my weakness.
It is hard to resist someone so genuine and true.
And you are changing my colors
Now bright red where there used to be blue.