And I'm sorry for loving you
Because I know it wasn't real love
And I know it was wrong.
But you make me spin.

I know you know quadrants
I could never be what you need
You gave me a taste and ripped it away and I'm done.
You weren't cruel, stated intentions. It was me who said "maybe " and "because" and it just, won't fly with you.

It wasn't real
It wasn't real.

All I need is your approval.
I fall at your feet and all you are is a boy, and that's scary for a boy.

I'd like to be your friend but it's only when I'm drunk I can be brave enough to give you recommendations and music.

You probably never think of me
You're only here for her
I get it
I know I'm not enough
I know I'm not good.

I'm grateful you even breathe in my direction.
I should be more grateful you expend oxygen to occasionally speak to me.
I'm not worth the time.
I'm not worth
Anything.

I miss you
You know who I miss
You, who wanted touch my hair.
You, who wanted take care  of me
when bad situation come.
You, who wanted be there
in each circumstances.
Where are you my friend?
Can I call you still my friend?
I miss you…in my sadness.

Why you left me?
Probably never get this answer.
Can I call you still my friend?
I miss you…in my loneliness.

Sometimes, your silence is a cold- blooded creature
Unpredictable, uncontrollable, unknowable.
How will I approach this prickly animal?
my hands hover,
unknowing

Other times it is a fireplace,
Warm from a far, but you know not to get too close.
My hands hover.

But today, your silence is a handwarmer,
Small, familiar and soft.
I’ll sit with it in my hand a while until it goes cold.

What does it matter,
If the door is padlocked?
The fresh air springs in
Through windows that open out
Am I not the luckier
To have you around??

I lost a friend
In the land of broken dreams
We can’t lie
And say we didn’t try

But today I stride in alone
To the land of the forgotten
Hoping to make it out alive
In one piece, to the other side

It may take an hour or year
but we have one last chance
To mend our souls  
And lives
And our GCSEs

But if we fail
Then we failed together
We may not be friends
But we gave it ago
And I regret nothing

I had fun.
I enjoyed the hidden pain
All the laughs and jokes
And the nasty remarks.
We were different
And that’s what made it special
We were special
And no one can change that

Till next time,
Good bye my ‘good friend’
I’ll see you in English and science
And lunch and break.
Because we can’t be avoided.

Yesterday we stood together and
Today I  stand alone
Onto my next journey
I turn back to the past before stepping to the future
While you watch me from the distance
Wondering where did it all go wrong,

your love is both
the shining altar
and the smoldering
gates of hell,
i dance between
like a woman possessed
unsure if you will save me
or devour me whole.

Death came knocking on my door, the day of the funeral. It wanted me to write my name in ink, instead of tears. I would have never thought I had all these years to say goodbye. To say goodbye to life, my children, my family, friends, and of course myself. Death came and told me a story; not everybody has the courage to say goodbye in this life. But you are the good one who stayed, and put up a fight! So here I say to you, sleep tight.