i didn't want you to leave,
it's just that my thoughts and anxiety,
got the best of me,
i begged you to stay in my mind,
but my mouth was saying otherwise,
i was yelling at you,
screaming lies,
but if you listened a bit harder,
you would have heard my heart's cries,
i really didn't want to let you go,
i guess
i just wanted you to know
.

It's true you've never gone this far before
But this isn't exactly new
I want to trust you again but
That's easy to say and harder to do
For nearly three years I put up with petty flirting
An uphill battle, a tiring journey
I got lulled into a false security
Believing you to never really hurt me

But you did.

Where do we go from here?
I'm trying to figure it out but through all these years,
I've never had to forgive you for something this huge
Something I'm not even done hurting over -
I don't know what to do.
I'm scared, so scared this wont be the last,
And if I'm to go on the past,
Then it'll be no time before you're back.

You said the easy thing to do is to forgive you,
that love makes us weak.
Then why is this so ******* hard?
Why is love the only thing keeping me on my feet?
I think, your love is weak and you don't know who I am.
No more putting up with your stupid fans.
No more flirting or hugging or studio dates.
One more and we're done
I'm not accepting any more mistakes.

I'm so tired.

The kind you have to fight to heal from everyday,
while faced with the one who brought the pain..

I felt it in my heart,
With every touch and every kiss.
I knew it in my gut -
A twisting sickness.
Now here we are,
The edge of forgiveness.
Trying to heal,
Despite the fear you'll repeat this.

walk inside this body
find the places where
I am most damaged, shattered
love me, cherish me there
and let me forgive this body
for abandoning itself