I'm so scared,
I'm so alone and tired,
I feel small and defeated.
All I want is you,
I want you holding me like you used to,
The feeling, when I was in your arms like nothing could go wrong,
Nothing could hurt me.
Then again at the time I didn't think the "nothing" would turn into a "no one".
It would turn into a person,
Someone who would push me,
Who would hurt me and,
Who strangled the strength out of me,
The confidance I have worked my whole life to achieve.
I let my will spill and leak from me as I drank,
And drank.
My answers slowly reflected the toxins I was consuming,
Easier to swallow as the night went on.
I feel nothing.
I am nothing.

There where times when we
laughed: your mouth parted
small oceans across its landscape,
etching caves into your molars,
if I'd seen them through that rocky grin.

I'd long to hear the crashing of your waves
again. Against a rocky bay.
To taste the dried-up seaweed of near morning
and low tide.
To be matted hair against
a rough wind, shallow
under fading storms.

I'll send smoke
signals and await contact-departing
lost words from frothy beaches

and still I'll cling to remember
the sinking tide,
the swelling dawn
and the indented shoreline,

like a scar across
charred lips or the smile
of a stranger.

With the birds still singing
and the grass still green
I'm gonna put our problems behind me
With my heart still beating
and my brain still thinking
I'm gonna wash your face from my memory
With our kids still forgetting
and the money still coming
I'm gonna keep you away from the rest of my life
With the diggers still digging
and my children still weeping
I'm gonna get ready to join you
We will wait together
and watch our children,
Forever.

Being away helps me forget,

Helps me lift the pain,

Helps lighten the worry.


Time would go faster,

Till it'll only just be a memory,

And the memory will fade,

Just like that.


But I don't want to forget.


-HIY

A nightmare of a permanent romance of my youth.
The physical remain of him,
floating through the same dreams.
We compare strange affinities.
The same, his and mine.
Oh, had you loved me!
I reserved our ruins through dark, tender tree.
We lighted up by the colored inks of memory.
Stars between silhouettes under the sky;
they emitted radiance of their own.
His hand, a dreamy pleasure, coming over in waves of ecstasy.
With a soft, woeful mouth he would relieve the pain,
My darling.
My heart.
Hold in my passion and my senses
as we ache with that haunted spell.
I look back in repetitive scraps, like storms of tissue paper,
whirling in the wake
where frustrated poets end.

Good luck forgetting me
Because like the color of my hair
You'll remember me as a flame
That burned a path through your life

Good luck forgetting me
Because like a foreign taste
You'll always remember
My exquisite and lingering flavor

Good luck forgetting me
Because like hot coffee you drink too fast
You'll remember the burn I leave
Every time your tongue touches the roof of your mouth

Good luck forgetting me
Because like the branding animals receive
You'll remember the mark I've left
Claiming that you're my man

Good luck forgetting me
Because like homemade food you're fond of
You'll remember me every time a new girl touches your lips
And reminisce on how I was better

Good luck forgetting me
Because I'm the girl who took you down,
Like no one else could;
I'm the girl you'll never forget

You used to trace my initials
on fogged-up glass planes
two halves of a heart drawn on tiptoes
other times the inked version
appeared in your journals
I came pouring out of your pen
spilling onto your keyboard
all the fears I never knew I had
you conjured them out
stuck them on me
like sticky-notes you used to
leave around, little reminders
of what was to come
//
it took two orbits of the earth
around the sun
but then you stopped promising
stopped searching
and winter let itself through
the door with the spare key
and the outside
of my fogged-up window
showed a December without snow
and I
and I...

(that cold January morning,
i blew on the glass and
traced your initials
watched them fade away)

I think sunset is the most dangerous time
When we all stand staring at colors in the sky
Forgetting
The sunrise to new reds, pinks, and oranges

The blue sky is forgotten
And the way the rays beat upon our skin
Harming
Our lips leaving cracks and parched tongue

Do we remember the swaying grass?
The boulders that lay along the path
Blocking
Us from the cool relief of the ocean

Our muscles burned with new adventure
The wind kissed us and we kissed back
Wishing
For a little more time and a little less

No one thinks of the birds' conversation
Their brief melodies spawned passion
Developing
Attachment or shedding what little we had

I still remember the blues of the sky
But now our shadows stretch longer
Losing
The feeling of noon's light and heat

I still feel the sandman's kiss in my eyes
The subtle and hopeful beginning
Rising
Eagerly so that I may see the sunset