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El Dec 2019
I know the fear is all in my head and the dizziness I feel is misleading
I know my heart is pounding does not mean i'm dying
I know the skipped beats are not threatening
I know no one is watching me
I know no one is listening
I know that its not real
I know i'm safe
I know


What if its real
What if I am dying
What if i'm having a heart attack
What is the dizziness makes me faint
What if everyone is watching me and noticing
What if everyone can hear the shakiness if my voice
What if my pounding heart in seconds away from stopping

Anxiety disorders are the worse.
Thoughts that go through my head, even though i know they are not real, make it even worse.
El Nov 2018
It’s strange how a book can recall memories
Memories I try to forget and yet
I go searching for the pain to relive them
Not relieve them like a normal person should
I feel drawn to re LIVE the pain
And when I cry
And my warm tears
I feel running down my face
I think it’s like an acknowledgement
I think it makes my pain real
And as the water pools and trickles from my eyes
It feels real
And not just a numb memory
I had forced it to be
"The God of Small Things"
Nov. 15. 18
El Nov 2016
I threw myself to the Wolves,
Only to learn the tenderness in their howl
and the loyalty in their blood.

- Isra Al-Thibieh, The Wolves
Not my quote, But very meaningful
El Jul 2016
Maybe you never really loved me
I know that sounds weak
But how could I ever know
Since your existence in my life was bleak?
You were the whisper in my ear
The call out in the night
The possessive arms around me
that just held a bit too tight

A memory is what you are
a flicker to start a fire
Maybe you never really loved me
Maybe all you did was inspire

To write my heart on blank pages
that are swept away with my thoughts
And crash against the shoreline
of dreamless nights only to be fraught
With the fear of losing
when there is nothing to win
Maybe you never really loved me
But at least you knew how to tuck me in
El Dec 2015
Time will flow on,
Through darkness, strife and night,
Through love, day and light.
Through hurt, pain and fears,
Through peace, careness and tears,
There is no stopping the steady years.

To forget and be lost,
To be forgotten and become the lost,
To heal the wounds.
and have wounds healed,
This constant give and take,
Time has no hand in the deal of fate.

A gentle watcher
of a dreamless night
Time, a beautiful illusion
Of those who are human.
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