Memory loss;
I know you're serious,
but every time you try to speak to me
I'm dropping words and sounds
like an imaginary hot potato,
thrown to me by a very rude child
who thinks making me lunge a thought
away from me counts as being safe.

I know you said something,
sounded like white noise,
sounded like the conversation
I think we're having right now,
I'm behind five sentences,
or maybe five minutes,
something there sounds about right.

Keep speaking, I can only hope to catch up,
this constant amnesia is aching
and my head is in a fog,
but I know you're serious
and you said something, something...
memory loss.

As my love for you never fades
The shards of ice you pierced in my heart
Will never go away
Though five months have passed
You are on my mind when I drive by your old place
How when we were little we played in that bright, green grass
Now your touch reminds me of broken glass
Our music sounds like nails on a chalkboard
Though I try I can't forget the past
I dream of you every dark night
I wonder why you changed
But people never stay still in life
At least that remains the same
Though your betrayal left a gaping hole in my chest
I never stop waiting for your call
I hope one day my wandering mind will be at rest
Until then I will always feel lost and small

I want to learn to forget things the way they have forgotten me.
It seems a fairer way to live....

you go
you work
you play your role
you smile and laugh
take care of everyone
eagerly awaiting the moment they leave
you release the tension
allow your smile to drop
feel the weight of gravity
drawing you downward
just be
just breathe
ahhh yes...
the discontent
i was expecting you...
something is terribly wrong
it’s probably you, you know...
start thinking, what did you do?
i just want it to go away
i crave the ability to forget
the option to feel content
just for a while...

To Sunglasses
For letting me try them on
$275 and silk pajamas
Apologies
We were never the same
But when we were
We were

To the third eye girl
For opening mine
Letting me into
A world beyond what I see
Showing that there's little
Distance
Between you and me

To my banana nails lover
For being my Jupiter
And letting me be Neptune
For answering my letters
For letting me
Let you go
And not coming back

To Lacy
For being my rock
For not patronizing me
When I cried
Or trying to solve my problems
You were just there
That was enough

To D
For smiling at me
And doing your best
Inspiration
Even when
It wasn't what
I needed

To Cardi B
For trusting me
Your painted toes
And bodycon dresses
You were never my obsession
But you were also fair
I didn't give you credit

To my cowboy
For looking at me
Your silly dance moves
Are engrained in me
Your childish lore
Is nothing
Compared to who you really are

To the ADHD
For befriending me
Laughter and your
Boots on a bike
Riding in sunshine
Forever on my mind
Perfect in my eyes

To Tido
For being the goodest boy
Rollercoaster dives
After footballs
In the the afternoon
Cold and crisp
Alone with you

To Crywolf
For looking at me
Your breathing
In my bedroom
Is never going to fade
And I'm never
Going to stop waiting for you

I spent a great deal of my time speaking and giving my attention to one person,
That when it’s time to put myself out there, I genuinely don’t know how,
It doesn’t mean I’m not trying, it’s routine for me to speak the way that I do expecting that the world is exactly like them,
Trying to redirect my brain and my heart is the most difficult part of moving on,
But I’m trying