This role I'm playing is exhausting
Of watching you watching me
Of smiling, of laughing
Of not cracking when you blink

This being human is tiring,
Its not as great as they said it would be
The acting, the pretending,
The standing strong when you're weak

This staying alive thing is excruciating
Of being in pain and wishing to be free
Of trying, of crying
Of not being able to be me

I am begging "Myself", to rest me from those things moving inside my spirit!
I am begging "Myself", to release me from the pain of wearing the PokerFace!
I am tired to keep that fire held between my skins...
I am fed up with all those beats all over my body and spirit!
I am wondering why her name provokes such vibes!
I am begging the Unknown place of me, wondering where my life will end with those paths!

When your footsteps seem to fall back,
At first you'll just laugh.
You'll brush it off with a smile on your lips,
Saying this is just a temporary mess.

But then you fall back again,
And your patience wears a little thin.
You still stand up tall,
But your empowerment is not quite the same anymore.

You tell yourself it's okay,
Until you stumble over your feet.
You sob into the ground,
And realize slowly, there's no getting up now.

T,
I want you to know.
and I don't want to be mean
but,
I want you to know.
I don't want you anymore.
Time after time I tried.
And thats the thing
I was the only one trying.
I tried to carry the relationship,
but you knew what else was happening at home.
T,
I don't think its right
the way you've been treating me.
You don't even look at me,
as if I did something wrong.
T,
I did love you
I loved you.
But notice the "ed"
Every part of me has let go.
You are not a bad person,
but the fact is
why, if you don't like me
are you following me?
Trying to see
what I'm doing.
Every day.
You act like nothing ever happened.
But sorry to tell you dear,
something happened
What did you think I was?
I could tell you what I think...
but this isn't about me,
its for you, T.
Please, just stop.
Everything.
Seriously T.
I don't want you anymore.
This is my goodbye,
*goodbye

I'm not really violent
Lately though people are pushing my buttons over and over
Stretching me past my breaking point
I barely keep my anger inside from coming out
One more push though and I think I'll blow up
One more push and snap
I'm so fed up
So don't push me please because I'm close to blowing

Sometimes I wish I didn't feel
I wish my heart was made of stone
That I was immune to all this ****
Of being on my own
My world is full of cockwombles
Fuckwits & ***** trumpets
**** burglars & **** puddles
**** stains & **** nuggets!
And those are just the few
That I've had the joy of meeting
I'd like to dare the rest to meet
Somewhere - however fleeting
Stand up and be counted
You liars, cheats and cads
You wazzocks & jebends
I'll grab you by the ******
Because I've simply had enough
Of being treated like a tool
Of believing all the **** you spout
Like some poor pathetic fool
I cannot shake the feeling
That the stupidity I feel
Is down to the betrayal
Of all the lies that you conceal
So I'm giving up compassion
To empathy goodbye
And to trusting blindly what I'm told
Farewell & fuckety bye!

(C) Pixievic 2016

ne more fight in this ******* house.
i swear to Satan i'm going to blow
my ******* brains out.
im tired of your pathetic pity and selfishness of lies
you spread them like a disease.
beg me to hit you
i dare you please.
you kick
i punch
enough is not enough.
slap me
kick me
beat me where its gonna hurt.
wring me out
choke me
give me what i deserve
oh mother, tear me apart im begging you, please!
give me the hard love
give me what i need!
ignore my cries
silence my screams.
give me the pain that
sends me to my knees.
**** me off
wont you hit me again?
im not tired.
i love the way you hate me.
i want to feel the hate
the anger
the aggression.
why apologize
when im gonna **** up again?
oh loathe me
i continue to show my face.
ill stop since im such a disgrace.
same time tomorrow?

I remember those rainy nights when I would lock myself in my room.
Because I didn't want to become a victim of your hurtful words & fits of rage.
Nothing was ever the way it was supposed to be when it came to us.
& maybe it was better that way .
Because in the end everything that was wrong for other people
Was right for us
But I left you
And all that I had ever loved was taken away from me that night.
The long, run out love letters
The high pitched weeping filled voicemails .
It made me realize
That the endless yelling & countless fights
Were all for not .
& all trickled down to one more sweet love song I could no longer sing
Because now
It was no longer in my key.

His words pierce my heart
Like a razor sharp dagger
Twisting in deeper with every
Apparent truth.

Pain surges through me like
A current of high voltage
But I do not bleed.

No, instead I feel everything drain from my body,
Like a balloon that's been pricked,
It doesn't go with a bang or pop with excitement.
No, it dies a slow painful death as
The air seeps from its body, leaving it
Gasping for breath.

I fear he's given me the kiss of life for the last time,
This time he will leave his words to resonate in me,
And as they resound within,
I shall wither away.