I will not allow you
to replay your
past relationship
featuring me.

Throw that tape
Direct a new one

Scene 1
Take 1

(snap goes the clapped)
cutting all strings
with the past  

SILENCE

....Rolling ....

it's our most requested feature
aka
it's our most commonly ignored request
aka
give us more money
aka
then we will maybe work on what y'all suggest

When I was a kid
i could go out into a street and dance in the rain
Even with eyes watching, I flailed my arms round and round until I was too dizzy to stand and eventually, fell into the dewy grass Without knowing the effects of lightning
instead, would pound my feet to the crash of thunder
I can't recall when I noticed they were watching
how it pulled the road from under my feet
and left me in the pavment
How I cared when they called me crazy
How they made me afraid of the lightning
How the fear kept me inside staring out from my window
When life became a cabinet with a plate,
holding ten other plates on top of it
how it all seemed so unbearable
I was fourteen when my pessimistic state of perception was shifted
All it took was one wise man and a sentence to crash the fragile system of fear:

                  "everything beautiful has a consequence" he said
                      "you just have to brave enough to face it".

Today I touched a blade,
I rubbed against it and it all felt the same.
I couldn’t tell the difference between the purple and the red
From it drenched every drip against the metals melted way
I couldn’t tell the difference between the fire and the rain,
And every drink I sipped
It all tasted the same.
My hurt,  I thought was loving,
My loving only hurt.
My mind weighed out and my heart feather like,
Should I have never let it flown?
-kn

Gazes

I'm between his numb expressions,

Lesser a stare, more than just a look,

Not every time is he stealing a smile,

But more than a while he's been


I fear I react just to cold and fire,

And his vigour is somewhere in between,

I fear, he's built the fear in me,

That someday maybe he'll turn around and give in

Lose the patience, find some other back and gazes to steal.

Slack-jawed, wide-eyed
          tongue-tied
          and terrified
of what went left unsaid,
                I froze,
a feature of the static night.
From Summer's boiling tension
to December's weary ice
                               we'd drive
                        and count the times
             we thought we'd finally got it right.
But then
          the weight of discount decades
wrapped our chests in dynamite--
              criss-crossed trunks,
        and slant-grinned garlands
      blowing up the Christmas Tree.
Apologize later for ******* up the party;
     we were gone already anyway
with frigid wind flaying fingertips and ears.
                   Back to the car.
                  One more drive.
       One more night to half believe
           we'll get it right this time.
But what's so new about a New Year?
Still can't swallow all this scary size.
Guess we'll always be here, shrugging
            Slack-jawed, wide-eyed,
                      tongue-tied
                    ­ and terrified.