Later,
When I drop the ball
Do me a favor,
Stand over there
As I teeter
Between take it or give it all
And "why even bother?"
I've made the call,
No answer
So forever I will fall
Screaming into the ether

©2024

I am surrounded by comforts and convenances as I pack the cub-bards, lining them with provisions. Some of which I will not get to before they perish. I pay no mind to the clouds that gather above my head because I will soon walk into the shelter of my luxurious home.

I close the door sealing out the pestilence. the last part of my home barricaded by all the elements. I seat myself in a climate controlled throne where I waste away watching the regurgitation of one talking head to another. I stand at once to pour my cup out into the sink.

I look out the window and see a horizon of red illuminated by the smoke and fires that grow beneath it. I close the blinds and I make my way to the master bedroom. I take off my custom made clothes and fold them neatly at the foot of my bed. I brush my teeth and put on my pajamas as I hear a thunder in the distance grow closer . I turn on my fan to drown out the noise. I then lay myself down and nestle the silk of my pillow.

I begin to fall asleep not quite past Rapid eye movement. I am then ripped from my bed. I am drug down the stairs pulling banisters back resisting my pursuer’s. They’re strength to much to my own they quickly over power me.
My finger nails dig into the decking of my lavish hardwood sprawl. There is no hope for me at this point. I then am hit with a blunt object and loose consciousness.

I awake with a bag over my head and my hands tied behind my back. The dry air and exhaustion from my screams make my mouth dry. I feel insects crawl on me not as an infestation but as a hindering concentration on my hands and feet. I don’t know what they are but they bite me like fire ants.

I cannot shake them loose. Once I do my hands and feet are  bound down by my captors. They shout at me slurs and demand I renounce. They beat me with they’re fist and feet. They grab me up and drag me down a long hall. I am pushed to the floor and then picked up. My head is shoved down as they submerge me in water. Over and over and over again. I begin blacking out because my body is entering a breaking point.

I am then drug back down the hall and cast back into my dark room.
This continues for days as I am being starved. I begin eating the ants that bite my hands and feet. I drink the water I can when I am being dunked over and over again. I begin to try and adapt to this tormented routine. I am far past depression I am numb and I am hopeless.

I am so lonely I try conversing with my captors. They don’t speak in my language so I try to make myself believe what they say back to me are kind and hopeful things.
They demand that I renounce in my language. It is the only thing I understand the entirety of my stay. I sense the desperation in they’re tone they almost seem sad that I am not responding to they’re abuse. I fear they will soon grow tired of trying and end me as a result.

The next morning I awake with a cold blade on my neck. I shout out “I renounce! I begin crying and shouting out; I renounce!” They pick me up and break my bonds and sit me in a chair. One officer removes the bag over my head and I see for the first time in I don’t know how long. Another officer hands me a glass of water and my face falls in shame and relief.
This is the real beginning of my torment.

After giving me instructions and sending me on my way. I …..

To be continued…

They say you should fear what you can’t see, but I believe you should have faith.

Faith gives you something to dream of, to hope for, to believe in.
Faith with sight gives you much room to doubt, but faith without seeing gives you a glimmer of light.

Seeing is believing but sometimes we just need to trust, for seeing with our eyes can sometimes lead to lust. Keep sight of your dreams, your hopes and your beliefs. For faith can offer much rest, much aide and relief.
Hope gives you courage, strength and delight. Hope can keep you warm on the coldest of nights. To know that one day your hopes will come true! Hope can turn the darkest grey skies into blue.

Be merciful and gracious for you never know the day, when you’ll need to rely on your faith, your hope and your grace.

Gratitude is being grateful for what you had, what you have and what is coming.

Take nothing for granted because nothing is for certain, except that change is sure to come.

Be gracious, and forgiving because you’ll never know when you will need grace extended to you.

Be just and fair and never expect things from others that you wouldn’t do.

Be open and honest it really helps to share your truth.

But be patient with others and remember that they are on a journey too!

Listen

If time is kind
You'll be given
2nd chance
To grasp
What you learned

From the 1st mistake

My heart hurts and everything seems wrong.
Tears stream down my face right as time is frozen.
And you're the cause, I hate you for that.
The years I've spent hating you for letting our love die is now something I deeply regret.
I finally get that you sacrificed yourself just so I could be happy.
You let your heart break and shatter completely just so mine could heal.
But you also made me suffer something worse than death.
And that makes me hate you.
You let me cry and cry and cry for so long just so I wouldn't suffer, but that was my suffering.
I hate you for that too.
You didn't stop me when I yelled names and profanities at your face repeatedly as I in the hallway for 'cheating' on me, and people thought I was crazy.
I hated you a lot for that.
But mostly I hate you because no matter how much I try to forget you or our love, I can't.
You did everything just so I'd forget or hate you, but now you realize that all that suffering was for nothing.
I love you,
And I always will.
But we both don't deserve this.