Sometimes i wonder
What is this circus
Who are the players
What are the rules
How
How do i become a part of it in the day
And if i ever get detached in the night
when the joker stops smiling and goes back home
Sometimes i wonder
What is real and what is the facade
What am i and what trapezes they want me to pull from
Watching silently
As my instincts fade in between
In between the lights on and the lights off
Sometimes i wonder
What my heart thinks
What is taught in the circus
And the gap that traverses within
And then i wonder
Why
Why and how is that gap so huge
So huge that i cant find the ends of it
On searching all the recesses
This empty huge gap
Between what my heart thinks and what is taught in the circus!

I am not sad
I am not sad
I am not sad
The darkness keeps
Eating away at the remnants
Of the pleasant facade
That I built for myself
But I am not sad
Until I am returned to
The Earth from which
I was born
I will refuse to make
The inconvenience
Of my sadness drag
Me into a pit of darkness
I am not sad
I am not sad
I am not sad
I am not
sad

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Ain't I the fairest one of all?
Thou, art the fairest in the land

The glass I adorned,
around my body like a cloak,
like a cloak of transparency;
instead I built up an armor,
to spite myself,
to surround myself in pressures,
reminders, sincerity, and heads.

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Ain't I the greatest Queen of all?
Thou, O Queen, art greatest in all the land.

Now shard of glass little linoleum floors,
remnants of a forte never mastered,
or never mine to lose, to break, to tread lightly,
so bare feet dig into every blade,
to feel something,
to cover myself in silent, ******, transparency...

Mirror, mirror on the Wall,
Can anyone even see me at all?
Thou, O Queen, adept vanity ******* all.

It comes uninvited
I don’t have to be alone to feel it
In fact I’m surrounded by people right now and It’s there
You see these people are people
Not connected to me
And I do have friends
But I don’t feel gotten
I have my front to fit in
A side they like so I keep it there
But I’m not me
They don’t see me
For if they did then I’d truly be alone
— loneliness

not always a frown.
sometimes it's a smile covered
by deceitful eyes.

not always a tear.
sometimes it's making everyone
else laugh while you hide your
tears in the shower.

not always that voice
in your head telling you
that you aren't worth it.
sometimes it's a loved one
saying "I'll never leave you."

not always shown widely
but is always felt deeply
by the one who carries it.

She carries this lethal weight on her shoulders
and carries on through the day.
Nobody sees the mountains that rise above her head
and almost crushes her with every step.
Her eyes have dried up
She doesn't contain anymore liquid
except when she runs to the corner store
and loads up on her fuel again.
She doesn't seem too notice the weight
when she's floating above the dance floor on a friday night.
Its only when she awakes
the burdens come crashing down
Its only when she awakes
the facade wears off
Its only when she has woken
that she wants to sleep forever.

Who are Yo u?
Are you the serenity encompassing me?
Or this fleeting feeling drowning me
In my own depths?

Are Yo u these thoughts that
Imprison me,
The Intoxicating Sedative
Or
The paralyzing ecstasy?

Who are Yo u?
Are Yo u the figure lying before me
Or
the being who i dream You to be?

Why do Y o u ebb endlessly thought my
mind
Filling my void
And yet still growing it.
Do Y ou have no mercy?

Who are Yo u?
I know more of Yo u than you yourself know,
yet
you
are unknown to me.