thank you for teaching me
what i could not learn
on my own

in a way you empower me
yet i constantly
am belittled
by the pressures unspoken

i am powerful
i am powerless
and i am humbled
by the sharp stabs
to my confidence

at times i feel superior
to all negative forces
but then you come around
to destroy me yet again

i will let you in no more
for i am bigger than
the insecurities
and the headaches
i am forced to endure
every
second
of
my
life.

to be indubitably fearless
is an amazing thing
to think that nothing
nothing
could ever
hold me back

but the thought
of never again being restrained
is foreign

to be fearless
is ideal
but could never be possible
when you fill me with doubt
and regret
and negative energy

but to be fearless
is to look you in the face
and say
*******

My life itself
burrows in its exhaustion
A thirst for renewal
For another purpose
once again

It must be hiding
Impossible to seek
So I stay in exhaustion
in fatigue
in tiredness

Lifting it all on my own
Until an unforeseen energy
Lifts it with me.

I lay awake to the sound of sirens,
the morning bustle and calamity.
Busy people among relentless lives,
breathing in their first breathes of the day,
Echoes of the coffee stirring and pitter patter
Of footsteps leading their way
But I remain here, stubbornly in my bed,
With an unwillingness to start.
For the curvature of the bed,
made by my own brutish heft
feels as though a valley to climb
has begun to steapen
The reluctance to clamber my way
Out of these walls
Has devoured my will to move
And I will remain stuck here
Until I am yanked with force
By someone who cares

i don't care anymore
do anything to me
i'll be fine as long as you leave me to sleep

i won't cry
i won't open my eyes
i'll be alright as long as you let me rest

take me anywhere
scream your sorrows at me
i'll be okay as long as i can take some sleep

throw me onto the ground
leave me me cold and on the floor
i don't mind as long as i can rest my eyes

call out my sins
tell the world all that i've held inside
it won't bother me as long as i can have a deep slumber


leave me to die
i won't mind
as long as i can have sleep for the last time.

I stared in front of me, at a peculiar object that had no formality.
It was a bland wall, had no opening, nor space, just blank.
It was oddly amusing, trying to foresee beyond it, trying to see what could be the meaning behind it.
The wall had no writing, or drawings, no patterns, or carvings.
Staring blindly, I couldn't see.
"Change your perception, use a different sense"
The voice said.
Pressing my hands against it, resting my forehead on it, and closing my eyes.

I felt it

I heard the banging, the screaming, the blood spattering, the squealing, the gasping, the echos, the sounds crying out for help.
I heard the knife slashing and gun shooting, I heard it all.
I suddenly felt something jolt through my body, like an electric shock.
I landed hard, back first on the ground.
Losing consciousness...

I saw it

I saw everything. EVERYTHING.

Waking up in a blanked out terror, I finally understood it.
It was me, in the form of my subconscious.
A metaphor of the desperate plead, cries, and help I call out to those that I love.
But, silent echos cannot whisper in the dark, and my voice cannot be heard.
SO, I suffer more, all by myself.

Yes, You can see the wall, but, if you choose not to listen to it, you won't see what's behind it, on the other side.
You choose to be misunderstanding.
You choose to be ignorant, and brain washed by lies.
But, if you actually took your own time and tried to feel the wall without any fear, maybe, just maybe, you would truly understand.

So, I stare at this bland wall, has no opening, no space.
But when I heard and saw what was on the other side, my perception changed.

Exhaustion creeps in and the fog settles down.
It is time for sleep, but never rest.
The moment you close your eyes in peace.
That is the moment you get hurt by those you trust the most.

Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep,
I sincerely doubt I can,
Coffee, more coffee.