can i be one of the elite pretty too?
there are an apex species,
and they come in so many wonderful forms.
they don't have to crush their jaws together
or **** in their bellies or fix their hair
when a camera is staring them down.
they smile and a million people smile back,
but less brightly than them.
they have a ticket to the highest floor of the building
in the pockets of their jeans that just fit them nicely.
so easy to love and want and crave,
and all for a construction of our own.

worthless
i am unclean
dead torn thoughts inside
brain dead stupidity of the ****** next door
living thoughtlessly
they say perfection is a contract of demise
nothing matters it seems
i’ll sign my name away
let’s rid the world of me

She had two lovers-
the sun and the moon who fought
so hard for her heart

5:36 PM
14/12/20

SOLIDARITY

When men
Units it's
solidarity and
no goal is
too huge
to achieve.
But destruction
upon a city
of men
where hatred,
jealousy, envy
and resentments
reign. Love heal the world.
#c9_fm

my hands bled
small red crescent moons
etched deep into my palms
that drip onto my lap
when i watch
                 i    c a n ' t    s a y    i t
and i breathe
shakey
spelling out your name
across my skin
in goosebumps
but my blood goes cold
and boils too hard
bubbling into my temples
popping in my brain
a banging
a raging
anger
my vision goes red

and yet.

You always stay in my heart
and for living, it’s the best part.
I think of you first when every day starts.
Without you, everything tastes ****.
With you, everything looks like art.
From my heart, please never depart.

In a way, you always make my day.
With you, life is never gray.
I hope that this love never decays.
With you, my heart never delays,
so for us both, I pray.

Feeling like this is the epitome of living,
and everything looks like beauty to me.
Your eyes make me cry a sweet downpour;
electricity seems to seep from your touch,
I’ve never loved anything so much.
I don’t want anything else.
With you, I am my best self,
with absolutely perfect wealth.
The brightness in your smile
turns me ever so wild
and makes life so worthwhile.
Our kiss is the bliss for which I always wish.
Being with you is the greatest fun,
so to you, I will run and run and run.

In a way, you always make my day.
With you, life is never gray.
I hope that this love never decays.
With you, my heart never delays,
so for us both, I pray.

You stay in my eyes, giving me life.
Your sight erases my plight,
and builds me with such might.
I can’t get you out of my mind;
I see you always.
The color green gives me hope.
It charges me with a beaming envy
but in the best way.
I’m jealous of the Sun
because it gets to see you always.
I find myself listening to your music,
and I’m never sick of it. You’re the cure
for me and you’re just like Heaven.
Memories of you tremble my hands,
makes food taste unbland,
turns me into a brand-new man.

In a way, you always make my day.
With you, life is never gray.
I hope this love never decays.
With you, my heart never delays,
so for us both, I pray.

But somehow things changed.
My tears now run whenever I think about you.
I miss you more than ever, I still just want to
hold you in my arms. I know that at least.
Lately, I’ve been hurting more,
lately, I’ve been crying more.
Seeing green gives me envy
but not in a great way.

My eyes burn by your sight.
I want to cling to you again but I can’t.
I just want the pain to go away.
I’ve tried moving on, but I can’t.
No one else feels the same as you.
Nothing really feels the same.
Music doesn’t sound as good.
I feel slower, I feel like a failure,
I feel like nothing really matters anymore.
If love were enough, I could still reach you.

I want to change.
I want to be whatever you want me to,
even though I can’t. I shouldn’t.
But what is a passionate fire without ash?
What is a flight without fury?

In a way, I’ve never felt this way.
To me, black now feels gray.
My heart is full of decayed dismay,
how did we get astray?
Why do you feel so far away?

I remember winter
I long for her razor blade winds
Hands shoved in my pockets
Envious of the furred critters
A scarf and a thick coat
Snow like ghosts on a misty coast

Oh how my feet soak as I cross the frozen sky
To some, the cold air that strangulates
Is enough to make a hardy man want to die
Yet I embrace this dark, quiet state
Lost in her red lips flush against monochromatic nights
As she walks under the pale moonlight

My arm around her
With my coat draped over her
Winter is for her