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Today
The blur in my vision
Was from joy

And that
Is all I can ask for
I am an atheist.
A spiritualist.
A confused child.  

I was raised on
“God does not exist.”

Still, I find peace in
Comets and cosmos and creation.

I am unsure
And
Unsteady in my faith.

Yet every time
A child asks me
What thunder is,
I repeat the saying
I always heard.

“God is bowling.”
A spoon scoops out ribbons
Of entrails and intestines
From the tender lining
Of my soft belly.

My mind is murky waters
Muddled thoughts
Mindless wandering.

Heat invades my skin
A tainted blush of fever.

Once every full moon.
I wonder if
He loves me.

Even though
His eyes linger
On my *******,
Not my
heart.
“Bombs away!”

You called.

They exploded with love.

Then suddenly,

The world was left empty.

Until the next wave.
Last night,
In my nightmare,
I wailed
Like a beast
As
You
Held me down.

When I awoke,
It made me
Wonder
If you’re doing
The same
Exact
Thing
In reality.
You
Apologized
So
Sweetly

It
Made
Me
Forget

Just
For
A
While

How
Painful
Your
Bite
Is
Not sure what else to do at 4:50am.
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