What is my life?
A rollercoaster of ups and downs,
A climb up a hill,
Only for gravity to pull me down,
Why does it feel this way?

Does the universe hate me?
Whenever I get happy,
I mean consistently happy,
Why does something crumble?
Starts as a small break,
Sometimes,
Others are a siege upon my world,
A battle I'm unprepared for.

Then tell me,
Tell me what to do,
I wish to be happy,
I wish to smile,
Without fear of sadness.
How much more payback,
Do you require?

May I ask one thing then?
There is something,
Or someone,
I wish to find a piece of happiness,
With them.
May I have that as,
An untainted happiness,
My constant smile,
The only rollercoaster,
That never falls.

The water, calm or rowdy, comes in, slowly.
Swarming tides soon become too much,
Drowning me-
And I remain motionless,
As I fear nothing or, am paralyzed by fear,
No, the real movement comes when I am lost.
As I try to find my way time and time again.
Begging for the waters to return,
For true motion to return,
And for my tears to freely flow into the water once more.

Everything is that deep for me
I have oceans inside
swells in my chest
the tides have been beating
I can't keep waves in my hand
but I have handfuls of what I can keep

Why does everything feel like it's going to pull me under?