Your existence is a testament to my unending terrible embarrassment

There is a flaw so big
that nothing dares to
approach.
An aching gap within
this soul.
I’m damaged goods;
who would want the
dented can at the store?
Theres rips and tears
upon my heart and mind.
You cannot walk to
me, for i’ve put
spikes to protect myself.
You cannot fly to
me, for the air you breath
is poisoned.
I’ve surrounded myself
on my own island.
Ashamed at what
others took from me.
Embarrassed that i’ve
been abused in the
worst way.
This secret is one we
hold close, “for who
could learn to love me?”
No.
Thats not what i
ask. I ask; how can i
ever let someone
love me?

Hell shimmies when I am blunted ;
When I take a knock to the senses
When I am skinless,
singing stings
and misdirected by pain

If I had trained better
I'd be deep sea
Sussing distant messages
Operating with slight tremors, vocals and movement
and only when correct...
I'd be home
I'd be instrument

Not an act
Not a pet to society
No mood fool ;
flaked,
flooded
and littered
Rapped at by experiences
Attack reacting
An embarrassment
Watching my own pattern spooling
the same sums
and spoiling with repetition

disappointed and embarrassed,
my heart is heavy.

you make me sad...
not because of who you are,
but because of who i imagined you to be.

Cheeks flush,
red lips purse.
Eyebrows, thick and singular,
draw upwards in shock,
scandalized by my very existence.

Born in love,
and yet out
of all else.

At last,
Abashed at the rash decisions of my heart,

The crash amassed the crass dealings of my past,
Fast,
The class to mask the blast,

Hide.

~Robert van Lingen

A thousand strangers go before me
Their bad jokes and worse haircuts linger
In my online shadow, that twenty-first century history
That is etched for every one of us.

The species has always been able to forget
It is what keeps us alive, and subsequently kills us
So why is it we can forget the past's atrocitites
But not my Year 9 obsession with Japanese cartography?