When i said
'living on the edge'
this was never what i meant.
What i meant was a real party all night
without a parents' permission;
not a pity party at night
with my self destructing notions.
What i meant was real rollercoasters
or going on life adventures;
not rollercoasters of all my life's emotions.
What i meant was a swim in the ocean
or to face my darkest fears;
not an ocean
of my darkest fears facing me.
And when i said
put 'happy' and 'die' together;
i meant to 'die happy'
not be 'happy dying'.
My life is not what i had meant

As the balloons rose up
My heart fell down
I cant believe
Youre in the ground
My head keeps spinning
Round and round
I'm lost and never found
Without another sound

I took a hit to fly away that day
I should of known the high wont last
Because when the crash came
Like a fast train
The dripping rain stopped
The flashing lights drined
And i passed out for 3 whole days
In a puddle of freezing rain
That was my skin
That was my brain

I woke up in a full body shake
Need another hit just to stay awake
To speed me up to keep me sane
Maybe ill at least remember my name
Or maybe this is all a game

And thats a thought
My brain can't shake
My whole life is
An endless earthquake
All my emotions are becoming fake
The high is the only taste i take
Driving me to keep up the pace

I need more to get the same effect
My mind hurts, i need a rest
Gotta stay high to keep at my best
With the crash comes
The crippling distress
Of all my thoughts
Rushing and pressed
Into my consciousness
Im out of breath
Everytime i do this
Im nearing my death

*******'re really dying huh?

no no no no no no no no no no non onno no...


alex dont leave me


dont leave us.


we love you so ******* much


we need you?


yeah.


we need you.



i hope youre well.



you'll be in a better place.





i dont want you to die.

Do you know what it's like to long for a friend,
Long for them to see through all the lies,
To take one moment to be real with you
And say you can make it through the dark?

Do you know what it's like to feel completely alone,
Mouth sown shut so all that comes out is lies of I'm fine?
Too scared to speak the truth for fear of rejection,
Wondering lost till the day you give in...

Do you know what it's like to so desperately want to die?
Not so much die, but not live this life.
I fear that I am losing the battle of what's me and what's not -
Losing it to the voices and noises in me head!

Do you know what it's like to want to heal?
But no body will listen to your words,
They tell you, you're okay and you're functioning just fine.
Do you know what it's like to feel yourself giving up?