my chest is heavy and i just want to be emotional
but i'm not even sure how i feel right now
maybe it's a mix of everything
sadness, longing, loneliness
exhaustion, anxiety, irritation, and fear
like a jungle juice of despair
i can't tell where one ends and another begins
but i know i'll have a headache in the morning

Your fingers caress my face
As I rest my cheek in your palm
I can feel the blood rushing back in
As if this was the signal to feel alive again

The beating of our hearts become louder
Until it drowns out everything around us
Is this what home feels like?

You grab my chin and tilt my head upwards
Until our eyes meet
Your eyes are low,
Your eyes are *****

You pull me in and kiss me deep
I wrap my arms around your neck
As my legs become weak
Is this what passion feels like?

Two bottles of wine in and           
Fear is completely out the window
As I allow my body to finally take over

HahahahHa I’m finally drunk
Like really really drunk
And I don’t wanna sleep
Cause I feel really really nice
And as soon as I sleep
I give it all up
I’m not ready for that
I’ve only had a few hours of this bliss

****
Everything is spinning a bit
I’m not even kinda sober
Finally got what I wanted
I ******* win!!!
Ahhhahhha I am so ******* drunk
I’ve wanted this for so long
And I have it
And I’m so happy
This is it!!!
This is what I’ve wanted!
Ah yes!
I feel high
But like drunk
I love it

The way we love each other despite ourselves and the universe is insatiable. You’re the feast to my starving poetry, and I’m scrambling after you trying to unscramble all the pieces you let trail behind; I’ve spiraled into puzzling over every detail of your face and the imprints on your heart and the things you’re never really saying but silently radiating

The way we love each other with our whole arms and our whole hearts beating up against one other, magnetism pulling our bodies together all close and warm until our skin is melding and there is no more feeling or air, only lightness and the white behind your eyes

And even then, it isn’t enough—

that can’t get enough of you feeling, so tragic and profound, how it makes you move
different, that sudden onset
of warmth (and how that cool can pull you down so low)

analyzing you as if you aren’t equally a mess as I am, and you’re so deeply beautiful to me, even if the universe can’t see it yet


And yet but despite ourselves, and the universe

My life may be a train wreck
I drink hard to hide the pain
Even though I am a train wreck
I'm still the driver of this train

Haven't been derailed as yet
But,  I've almost left the track
Even though I am a train wreck
I keep on coming back

I've spent some time in lock up
Just in county for a night
For being drunk in public
And a few times for a fight

My life is heading nowhere
But I'm making **** good time
My life is just a train wreck
Brother, spare a dime

The rabbit hole is calling
Do I venture down to see?
Do I listen to the voices?
Even if the voice is me

I'm a train wreck set to happen
I went to church once to confess
I passed out while I was waiting
Even sober, I'm a mess

I won't go into details
About the mistakes I have made
Let's say in life's account book
I didn't make the grade

My life it is a train wreck
One day I'll leave the rails
It's a 50 50 bet though
I chose heads and I get tails

One more drink tonight though
Then some shelter from the storm
I'll find a dumpster somewhere
One that's full so I keep warm

My name it's not important
You won't remember, so don't ask
I can see the whole way through you
There are cracks there in your mask

Let me live in silence
Let me die the same way too
My life it is a train wreck
And there's no room here for two

I want to cut
I want to cry
I want to break down
But it would seem
The alcohol would like instead
To lull me to sleep
And I want to let it
But I don’t want to sleep away this opportunity

My head ******* hurts
I took a lot of drugs
And drank
And I’m ******* dehydrated
And it just hurts
But i don’t think I could be bothered to do anything about it

I don’t want to write about you anymore
But then again, there’s nobody else who fascinates me like you do

I don’t want to dream about you anymore
But then you remind me of all the little details you remember about me and I can’t breathe

I don’t want to talk to my friends about you anymore
But then I see your sleeves rolled up and I can’t focus on doing the things I need to do today

I don’t want to imagine that our paths crossed at different times anymore
But then I see your eyes meet mine and I can’t imagine you going away without knowing how I feel

I don’t want to keep ranting about you incessantly
But then I see your shy grin and I just lose control of everything I thought I knew