I was a basket of fears,
An open tap of tears,
With tags of doubts,
Never knew what they were about,
Loneliness nibbled at my soul,
Life was foul.

Then, I looked at me in the mirror,
Saw a reflection over and over,
It was my image ,
It had courage,
It had strength,
Which stretched a length.

My copy was friendly and flirtatious,
Resilient  not vicious,
I fell in love with myself,
My old self I stacked on a shelf.
At last I was alive!
Love sent me to new drive,
It gave me the will to survive.
I was in love!
A young, beautiful dove,
I  could fly,
Paint in hues the sky,
Kiss the moon,
Swing on the rainbow,swoon,
Juggle the stars,
Wink at the Sun from afar.
Love! Love! Here I soar.

Would I still see a girl who is tired of constantly being misgendered?
Would I see a girl trying too hard at looking good?
Would I see a girl not trying hard enough?
Would I see a poor excuse of a partner?
A girl who cannot possibly love someone else because she cannot find love in herself?
Would I see a girl whose self hatred seeps through her body with every aching breath?

Or

Would I see a person whose gender identity is respected and valid?
Would I see a person who always looks good without any effort?
Would I see the best partner I could be?
Would I make you happier than you've ever been?
Even if I cannot love myself, would I still be able to shower you with all the love in the world?
Would I see a person whose confidence can light up a room?

I crave the thought of switching places for a day.
Not just because I no longer wish to be myself, but because I need to know if I am good for you.

I was walking in the landscape
Of my crowded mind
Surrounded by noisiness
And poisonous commotion

Until I found a place
And peace of mind
A sphere of silence
Like a dome inside my head

But to hear nothing
And to see nothing
Is to be left alone
With anything the mind conjures up

With brooding thoughts
And troubling doubts
Surrounded by clouds
And self-inflicted commotion

The sound of silence
Is the best thing around
Until it becomes too loud

And when it becomes too loud
There is no doubt
That I begin to long for sound
Again

I am past the point of no return
The taste on my tongue is bittersweet
I'm rushing towards you, stumbling
Only your touch can keep me on my feet

I want to see through your eyes
How my face appears to you
I need to understand your feelings now
Before the love we share falls through

I try to be honest with my words
I mean every promise I make  
Like when I say you are the only one
I want by my side each day when I wake

I fear you will grow distant and tired
I'm paralyzed unable to move
So broken you will not want to stay
I have too many flaws to improve

Are you quietly breaking away?
I'm fragile; too scared to be strong
Tell me I'm crazy, you will never leave
Convince my heart my doubts are wrong

What would it take for me to feel real?
Maybe money or someone that for me would kneel.
What would make me happy?
A university degree or just chocolate toffee?
I see people finding their way and everything stays strangely in order.
Maybe I have to sign a contract or just to cross the country border.
I'd feel content if I knew how to paint, how to write or how to do a speech
or simply it would make me want to escape to a quiet beach.
My head finds places, feelings and people that seem surreal
and I watch the sweet alyssum die while I skip another meal.
A simple but terrifying question burns my mind,
will I always feel so empty even if all of it I tried?
If it is all pointless in the end, what is it then to be living?
I refuse to exist in automatic but does life have any meaning?

Quintessential
Her dark ***** curls .....guards her head ....clings to the core of her endless reality .....it's her beauty....

Her eyes over look the world with such empathy ...her wits are the very thing that makes her unique..... she's beautiful.....

Her lips speak only of cheer ...the light pink color of her lips ..... Cast a charm on every lustful eye.... It's what makes her beautiful.

Her skin ..... unblemished ...Soft... Glows.... It enchants all.... she's poised .... this is beauty....

Her body .... perfect in it's imperfection .... she's unapologetically herself ...she is the essence of beauty....

A.Jackman