I emerge from the forest and an inevitable sense of insignificance overwhelms me.
The stars blow my mind,
They live without my time.
What we see is already dead and some of that legacy lives on within my being,
Yet I will never be regarded as special or as beautiful as them;
They are the uncontrollable apple of your eye.

Why don't they need our love, those stars?
Part of me thinks they just don't want it.
How can they possibly live without the warmth of society's recumbent limbs?
(For even when all humans unite, are we weak)

Maybe they have dissociated themselves from us.

All we do is dim them down
With our light pollution and our ****** rows,
To the point where some aren't even visible within the sky-
Or within the likes of you and I.

We gaze at the stars
-We look at them in adoration-
But they will never do the same.

We are but nothing like them.

...And when it all goes silent, and I am left with only me.

My racing thoughts, the emptiness, the pain throughout my body.

Chaotic darkness in my mind

Directionless

Feeling disconnected

I need to find the route home back to me.

Feeling disconnected,
from the ones who surround you each day, is sadder and scarier than being lost in the darkest of caves.

I look one way only to be turned away,
someone else is more important right now.
I search for comfort from others
who I've grown close to with time.

It's not the same.

It all becomes a very depressing pattern,
what happens over the time it takes
for you to become, locked out.
Until only special people can help.

Your hands around my waist,
heart synchronised to mine
          Captivated

Your fingers run through my hair,
radiating sunbeams of smiles
           Rapturous

You watch sunbeams dance in my curls,
body still as a winter's day
          Enthralled

You stare straight into my eyes,
your soul connects - to mine
          Serene

I turn my callous back, then
turn my face to you
          Nothing

My hand becomes paralyzed
at the thought of
writing out my thoughts
true
but blue is the color
that shades me
hiding me in its hue

I want to express
how my heart aches
it craves
to connect

known for my patience
so a lesson
you must be
then

teaching me

to not waste
anymore time
oh how little time
we truly do have

so I toss and turn
in the moonlights beam
like a coin flipped into the air
what side shall I be?

caught in the middle
between waiting
and going
I cling to this meaning
of my middle name
hoping
for it all to fall into place
hoping
for you to just understand
me

All i want
is for you
to look at me
as though
I will not be
here
tomorrow

I teeter with this meaning
of love
when the word
routinely
leaves your lips
so mundane

what does love actually mean
to you,
******!?

Is it having
someone around
to deal with
your piles of clothes
scattered on the floor
like
my thoughts
indisposed?

is it knowing
that you can
stack the dishes
as high as
my anxiety builds
in hopes for it all
to come
crashing down?

Is it that you can
leisurely
spend your money
on
toys?
oh how your car needs
that ******’ loud exhaust!

though home
isn’t your concern
because love to you
is not having
to be concerned
about how I feel

I am just here
to cater to you

how am I so
easy going
to just grin
and bare it

you love me
so
you don’t
have to
consider it

because
you say it
routinely
so surely
my heart
is content…
right?