i turned off my phone
with no intention
of ever turning it back on
i laid in my bed, wrapped cold alone
pretended that i was dead
maybe i can trick my head
into believing this fantasy
and come sun up, sun down, my eyes closed still
into the next day and the next
night after night
how long will it take
for someone to realize
i've been dead inside of my coffin
for days and days?

And like dandelions
Dispersed in a warm, summer breeze
I'll be gone, far beyond
To where these feet
have never been.
Disappear without a trace
You won't recognise this face
Walking by your side
Down the street.
And all I will be
Is a passing memory,
A fleeting shadow
On your mind's tapestry,
As we move away
Separated by time and space.

If only I could say the same about me
If only I could say...

So this is Autumn
Don't make me laugh
I remember a time when autumn was peaceful and calming and not this depressing piece of...
Let me not finish that sentence
I remember a time as a kid when I actually did cannonballs in. a giant pile of leaves decimating someone's hard work
That was kind of evil now that I think about it
I remember a time when i laid in the grass as the wind blew across my chubby cheeks
Yes I do realize I just roasted myself
But my point is this bull crap is not Autumn
Since when has Autumn been so dull and crying nonstop as if it is sad
In fact, I can recollect a single time during Autumn I stayed indoors staring out the window wondering why the sky is leaking this clear mystery fluid
And this is supposed to be Autumn
I can't remember a time I could looked into backyard a saw an entire tree of green leaves in November
And this is supposed to be Autumn
This isn't Autumn
This is a disgrace

Make yourself smaller
And smaller
And
Smaller
Until
You  disappear
Because maybe then
When you slip through
Your fathers fingers
It isn't because
He wasn't holding onto you
In the first place.

it's not suffocating. it never is.
air flows in so easily, very much so
that my chest is full and fuller and
suddenly about to burst.

i scramble for the saddest tragedies,
hunt for angst painted on pages.
all just to cry for a different reason.
put an ice on it,
leave my mind from it,
all just to numb myself.

missing someone isn't waves.
missing someone is the sea,
it is the endless, unbounded by time.
like tangled feelings personified and
ducking your head into the sea,
and breathing burns.

all of it is plain fuckery;
the thoughts in my mind are blasphemy.
honors stripped from me,
i begged fate a thousand of pleases
to put out the burn, pull up the drowning.
stop it from hurting so much,
because i'm dragged to hell by my heartstrings.

As perfectly imperfect we are together,
          Fooled my heart wants to be;
                Hoping you God sent

I Disappear in the crowd of dancing people
The music is loud while I walk through the corridor
I am outside now, the first breath of fresh air for hours
My legs are hurt and my head are dancing with stars
I walk without saying goodbye, I just walk
I stand so sleepy watching the turn of the street lights
The sunrise in the horizon and I'm waking
My body has recovered but my head still hurts
but it's different from last night, cuz today
My phone rang and I got social hangovers