Stupid foolish girl
Your begging and your pleas
Will not set you free

You texted him again
No respect for your dignity
Your breaking inside
Can you not see?

Stupid, foolish girl
Can’t take abandonment well
Will you ever change
Only time will tell

You’re only hurting yourself
Hang up your hat
Take a rest
He chose to leave himself

Stupid, foolish girl,
but still, you fight to be free.
Perhaps not today, but someday you'll see—
you are stronger than your grief.

I miss the fervor with which I used to write
I miss the way words would dance in my mind until the perfect combination fell at my feet
I miss knowing more than a few good cliches and metaphors
I miss the desperation I had to explain every feeling, to describe every moment, to relish in something for longer than I experienced it because memory fades and I need the possibly exaggerated details to grasp onto
I miss not feeling brain fatigue after writing two lines or reading a single chapter
I miss the overwhelming desire to see my ideas come to life and become something other than a vision that will haunt me before I go to sleep and become lost in nightmares and lost hopes and reminders before I jump off the cliff jolting me awake just to be surrounded by complete darkness when I open my eyes just like the true ending to the fall I was just shy of landing

I think of myself from 5 years ago
would struggle to recognize me
he'd say "what the hell happened?"
and I would have no answer

in truth, I have no answer
for all my shortcomings
when I was a kid,
people called me brave

people listened to me
I was sure of every single thing
I sought out to do, every little step
was calculated, as if I knew what I was doing

I was once a bright child
maybe the tallest beacon in my family
my grandpa and grandma sure thought so
and my mom and dad didn't seem to mind the idea

what the hell am I now?
who is that person in the mirror?
I fret over these questions in my head
but found no answer

who am I now?
not even God can say...

Mouths gape
Dragging nails
Skin pulled
My hands gripped over their thighs
Skins melds around my hands
Sweet pungent smell becomes bitter the longer it sits on their tongue
Tasting more as I bite into their lip
Chests rise and fall
Tongue outreaching
Grasp for warmth
Their eyes begin to close
Steam waning
Failing to rise

Sometimes you’re mentally just falling, and you need someone to hold onto you before you hit the ground.

I'm sick of hearing.
The thought of hearing one more story
That's not my own makes me wanna cry uncontrollably
I don't wanna listen.
To let how you feel tell me what to do
I'm sick of listening.

I'm sick of seeing.
Everyone else having it all put together
It makes my stomach turn to know that won't be me, ever
I don't wanna watch.
You live out what I want so eagerly
I'm sick of watching.

I want to feel.
To feel someone in my arms
And to feel the fire that might burn me to the ground
If it did, I would gladly let it
I'm sick of waiting.

I'm sick of losing.
To watch everyone leave or their shadows hunt me
To feel the warmth frozen by the cold in a tight embrace
I don't wanna win.
For as wining inevitably disappoints me

I want to be sick.
Sick in love and desperate
To be dizzy and dumb and stupid and young
Not to wear a cloak that hides me, lurking to swallow me whole
I want to be dizzy with desire.

Just for a blink I wanna see
the love they all see
And give in completely.