I do think someone who adamantly denies themselves would
Possibly write a poem judging others for reading
Their poem
But wouldn’t that be denying others
Not them?

Soft pillow cases
Engulf my skull
like a magical
marshmallowy surprise
taking away
my sub-concious
every second
e
v
  e
   r
    y
s
e
  c
   o
     n      
                d

I'm still awake!
daydreaming of daydreams
wandering thoughts
inside-out
Jibbing jabber
Clattering matter
faster faster faster!!

f
i
  n
    d
     i
  n
g

zzzzzzzzzzz.........

poetry is a business with
finger-snap appraisals
that thrives on how
much I hate myself

Stagnant love
I don't know what we have ,is it something true,does it happen to have a definition.....

Is it more than just physical attraction....

Can I surrender my insecurities to you......

Will you accept my flaws.. Or will you push me away....

I'm not perfect I give what I can ... And remain rejected

I'm at a point in my life where I longed to be.....now I'm still sorrowful....

My emotions are misinterpreted .... And my efforts are the last to be noticed....

I'm tired of feeling sad and alone.......

I prayed for the moment we would share our feelings.....

Is it that we wanted something so bad that when we get it we forgot the reason why we longed for it....

I wonder if we are meant for each other......

Sometimes I'm torn ,depressed and confused....weary from over thinking......

So many things kept us apart ,but for some reason we are drawn to each other...

Like magnets our paths collide... Hanging on by the very thread of our curiosity...

Curious to be loved by you willing to share my darkest secrets but scared .....that you might reject me too....

I wish that I could make sense of my pain.....wish I can make you understand that this isn't infatuation...

And though we might never be together .....forever ....

I'll always have a place in my heart .....where your name is tattooed...

Just never forget that my every moment spent with you is all the best memories of my life.... Loved  and cherished......

I'll leave behind my smile to remind you that you were my joy and the reason for my happiness...

Its the wanting you.... never getting you... that keeps me wanting  you...

You inspire me and without you my world would be empty and lost ...


But you'd be fine without me because you're everything  I'm not my love....

A.Jackman

Stapled in blue light harmony, I abuse my silence, thinking in a way that could be construed as past tense
Slaved to my sand castles that were taken by waves
I'm a kid on the beach giving way to tourists' enclaves


Seaworthy and daft I **** my own gun, a habit I tell you is nothing but fun
I smoke myself to death on this boat that lies rest to my wake
Waves I've created I tell myself I'm obligated to break


I promise the hinges of my door are stressed for holidays sake, and everybody's got a piece of advice that they need to take
It's always as transparent as wishing on a birthday cake


There is no salvation in my morning slumber, whether I hear birds chirp or horizon rise
Car sounds are just as good of an alibi
As childhood dreams are for validating highs

I didn't mean to
       Throw myself into the dark hole.
But I has succumbed
           myself into an ocean
       mystique ocean, it looks like an ocean
                                       curiousity

Fall, I fell and fell and fell
           I got ****** in
         Vaccummed,
                   I thought I only fell
But bit by bit,
           My body got eaten up
      Bit by bit, black by black
I had been eaten by these noir things.

So hollow. So empty.
                  Can't help
But peer more into this thing
            I fell, going to be trapped soon
    So my eyes followed down
        Gazing, gazing, perhaps m e t o o,
   was gazed by the seemingly eye looking darkness below
              Abyss, down below
I am going to be eaten anyways.
        So why not know what those eyes are.
Watching  me, is it crawling
                   crawling, maybe I'm going to crawl myself too later
       In that dark void, no surface void
                                       There's probably nothing, or more.

Every day, like clockwork
I sit at my desk
with a pencil, paper, and calculator
and I strive to become a better version of
me

I wouldn't expect you to be like me
constantly thinking, working, and calculating
like a self-sufficient machine
that does not stop to breathe

But as every day turned to night
and I sat at my desk
restless,
unlike ever before
I didn't feel like you were there.

The sun would rise and I'm still grinding
This seat will be warm for fifty hours
before my day will fade to
black.

I'd invite you over for lunch
so that I could get a chance to talk to you
and let you know how much I love you
and that even in this life that I'm living
I will never forget about you

But every day, you'd go away
and run into the arms of
intoxication
and with every hit you took
the girl that I knew slowly faded away
like a watercolor painting in the rain.

And as time goes by
I realized that as I work like a robot
I'm still only human
I only have so much energy
and I can't keep doing this anymore

With every hour that goes by
I see that my brain is failing me
and what should be an easy task
has now been rendered impossible.
I'm losing my mind.

And all the while,
as I frantically try to learn with maximum efficiency,
Still in the back of my mind I think about you.
But they aren't happy thoughts anymore
I just think about what you were and what you are

How am I supposed to be
everything that they want me to be?
How could I be a machine
and a loving human simultaneously?
How could this be the way to happiness
when I'm dragging on rock bottom?

How could you sit there and watch me die
and come back in the morning to yell at me?
How could you go away and get high every day
and then come back and lie to me?
and how could I let it all happen?

Every single time I wake up
after a rare period of slumber
I think to myself
I can't wait to be unconscious again
when I cannot think or feel

If I want to be the best version of me
I have to cut the anchor
The anchor that has held me down,
the anchor that is
you

How can I fall asleep when I have nothing to look forward to tomorrow?
I'm the walking dead drowning in my own sorrow.
When will this nightmare end? I'm sick of pretending everything's all good.
Maybe when I wished for an interesting life I misunderstood.
  I've been counting my blessings for so long. Nothings changed, I'm growing weary. It's draining me to be strong. This pain in my chest never leaves. I wonder if it,ll ever leave? I used to be happy. Now I'm questioning everything I believe. I fake a smile as I'm close to tears, I'm screaming but nobody hears.

   You've left me stranded in the dark, not knowing where to turn. Thought I could depend on you. The memory of you is now burned. I've been wandering the same road for so long. Searching for rest and a place to call my own. My body's tired from the weight of everything I'm carrying. The sun now slowly rising, mesmerized my eyes are open and that I'm still conscious. Walking on in the bright horizon.
    A new day has just begun and it's time for me to swallow my pride and go on with the show. Even if I'm hurting from head to toe. Been climbing this mountain for so long. Fighting to make it over without falling back down. I haven't truly lived in a while, for as long as I can remember its only been survival. Been trapped in this precipice which felt like forever, until along came September...

   Finally something to hold onto. It felt like eternity since I've had some normalcy like waking in a bed. How I missed the feeling of a place to rest my head. Everything seemed better until your malicious endeavors made it hard to breathe. I would ask myself every night as I cried myself to sleep, when will there finally be peace?
   Trying to move ahead is easier said than done. I end up feeling stuck instead. Your words cut me like a knife. You've made it clear you'll always be number one and I'll always be next to none...