The Sun is mellow

Vibrant  orange marigolds

Pleasant winter days

On those quiet gray days,
My mind wanders.
Echoes of anger and hurt
Greet it as they paint the walls red.
They haunt my footsteps
They haunt my memories
Making me aware of how wrong,
Absolutely everything was.
Make me wish for that time,
When I can live and forget.

I wish I could go back
Back to the days where there was no black
Black was just my backpack,
A backpack filled with dreams and love
There was no fear
It was all clear

There were no demons,
Only hope and dreamers

We were happy...
I was happy...
It was geniune...

Now it´s only a mixed feeling of emotions that i cannot explain,
And will never be able to do so...

I wish I could freeze my happiness
In little ice cubes
So when I'm having a bad day
I can just pop one in my mouth
And let it melt my worries away.

how sad it was today
for days it's sad to my eyes
it finally finally means
a cold snap is expected soon
it will be cold soon it will rain and
fog careless bright bright fog

it was sad it was sad
it was very inspired and bright and musical
It was very musical and therefore I am very
very sad today or not
yesterday i live in the world and so i'm dead
there was no birth but death was all

15.10.18

You can’t run from depression,
that’s why you feel like this again,
It’s a never ending labyrinth,
you’ll never find your way out,
a circle you’ll try to escape,
captious day after day,

It’s hopeless to try and flee from the pain,
the torment continues,
an incessant nuisance of despair,
you’ll wish away with every birthday cake,

Prickling needles that you can’t seem to numb away,
you’ll fixate yourself on;
flowers, the ocean, the color purple,
“I’m happy,” you’ll say as you braid your hair,
wiping away memories that trigger you every year,

Depression causes vexation,
you’ll pray to a God you don’t believe in,
wanting to escape,
but it returns some days,
a pattern you’ll try your whole life to vanquish away.