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justine grace Jul 30
I will always look for that green light, that green flag, or a sign that love will happen to me, no matter how many men come and go from my life; no matter how long it takes; no matter how many heartbreaks I have to go through. If there's one thing I know about myself, it's that I'm stubborn, and if I want something, I'm going to get it. But unfortunately, love isn't like going to the store, picking whatever I like from the shelf, and bringing it back home with me. I need to take time to figure out how to let another individual into my life again without feeling taken advantage of and fooled as my walls come down.

There’s this quote I’ve been living by this past year in my so-called “healing era”: "Your partner is a reflection of how much you love yourself." And boy, in my interpretation, if you keep loving someone who treats you like crap, that shows how little self-value you have. So for the past year, it seems that I have turned into him or at least see a glimpse of him in me—and when I say glimpse, I don’t mean the good sides of him, I mean the bad sides. Whatever I wanted him not to do, I am now clearly doing. And though I am doing it as a single person without lying to anyone, it still feels off. That temporary high and happiness don’t seem to make me feel anything, and if there’s anything at all, it’s definitely steering me in the direction where I'd rather keep having fun than wait for someone good for me.

That said, there’s a lot of baggage in me. I’m still grieving that one true love relationship I had despite how long it’s been. And right after that relationship, I still give myself **** for falling for a traitor and selling my soul to the devil for what I thought was “love” and the right person.

I don’t know when the right time will be. I don’t know when I will be ready. As much as I want to fall in love again and have someone by my side, I have to slowly believe the words I say: I want to love myself first. I know I do, but I think I need to give myself more grace and accept that I have made mistakes in choosing the wrong men in the past, heal, and move on.
Time after time, I want to do what's best for me, but it seems like I keep making mistakes along the way and end up getting thrown into a dark hole with no way out.
Jeremy Betts Apr 12
Damaged by my damage plan
Igniting the burn ban
Been soaked in societies poison
Snap at every helping hand
Don't like me?
Well guess what?
We agree
I'm also not a fan
Ideas pulled from a porcelain can
Strangers bull excrement,
Fills my allotted bed pan
The crash is imminent,
But where & when will I land?
Problems equivalent
To the individual grains of beach sand
From sea to shining sea and,
Across the land
No one has ever out run it,
Can't understand why I ran
BUT
I'm sugar cookie bland
Therefore I do understand getting caught,
'Cause I am not
A gingerbread man

©2024
Anyone else mess with a "finished " piece to the point you feel like you may have ruined it, sometimes losing the plot even? Maybe I made it better, maybe I can't seem to leave well enough alone

--Original--
~•§•~ Fast As You Can ~•§•~

I've damaged my damage plan
Ignited the burn ban
Snap at every helping hand
Don't like me? Well guess what?
I'm also not a fan
Ideas pulled from a porcelain can
The crash is imminent,
But where will I land?
Problems equivalent to the individual pebbles of beach sand
No one has ever out run their problems,
I still ran
Always caught 'cause I'm not
A gingerbread man

©2024
Steve Page Dec 2023
He left me with a London Kiss
along the length of my body
deep enough to cost me
long enough to teach me to be careful
whenever I left myself exposed
and chose to be vulnerable
in this city of disputed space
and contested dreams.

He left me
poorer, but wiser.
I've been in London enough to expect the odd scrape.
Jeremy Betts Jun 2023
Forget it...and forget you for even trying to think you could out run it. You can't handle this shiit nor can you hide from it, should probably quit or at least tone it down a bit, it's starting to get a bit pathetic.
It's already got you, it owns you, I told you. If you are hearing this then it's too late, there's nothing you can do. Sorry not sorry, can't say I didn't warn you. It don't matter if you believe it or not to be true.
It doesn't need you to accept it or to co-sign, it'll provide proof of what it can do in it's own time, in a lone rhyme that sends chills through your bones, directly down your yellow spine
Fuuck, they like to say they're just words but are they? These are like sticks and stones that break bones in a unique way, blacking out your heart and steal your soul away and it starts today...

...with me sitting here writing fear like a smear campaign, an assault on your ear that's so sincere, so severe that it'll appear to adhere to all you hold dear like an unwanted souvenir, make it real as the blood that'll smear from the front to the rear of my Chevy Cavalier from the people who use to be here but were met with the same fate as a lost deer wondering in the freeway just north of here. I know you can hear but have I done enough to make myself perfectly clear?

To make it known that I'm not one you want to mess with unless you've got a death wish, if you want to rot on your own cot in your own personal grave plot I've got the perfect spot to lay you down, plant you in you're own ceramic flower ***, but then I thought I oughta bought a big enough plot of land to lay down all who fall from this onslaught, a verbal Juggernaut but you can still come at me and take a shot if you want

And if you do, if that's the case then by all means, name the time and place cause I prefer face to face, I have this twisted trait that allows me to demonstrate how to create a ****** case, how to keep pace and champion a death race, how to get CSI looking at a piece of cheese on the end of a string i placed under a milk crate after a wild goose chase, not a trace of evidence just a message on the back of a bookcase to further the foot race, so check your shoe lace, you don't want to trip up and fall on your face while running from a phrase like trying to escape your goth days, a ridiculous phase

I lay it out plain and simple, just one well placed word or thought out syllable that will cause a tsunami title wave ripple that'll ******* any defence like Clearasil on a pimple, not a complicated riddle unless you're the monkey in the middle. It'll sit a little easier if we can keep it civil after the acquittal, critical thinking will get you through the hassle, to the end of the castle to save the princess but that's not the end of the battle, the system we're in is not a Nintendo, no Atari with a wired joystick paddle, these words are the detergent just added, nowhere near the rinse cycle, one wrong move could be fatal, if you think this a fable you could be one of the ones to wined up on an autopsy table

But it's damage to your psyche not your body that brought you to one knee, words they said couldn't harm obviously do have that ability, I grip that knowledge firmly, hold on tightly like it's a master key, the bounty is set and out, don't try to flee, got your mind hazy, to foggy to see, no friendly face here, no card to get out of jail free, these words that flow so easy from me hold you in captivity and break you down slowly, fully emersed, wrapped in perverse words like a mummy, held captive in this verse like a dummy, a cursed hostage with no request for no money, no escape once I've got thee and test out my theory that clearly I can do just as much damage with word trickery as one could do with assault and battery or a quick slice of a main vain artery but with no evidence visually I get away scott-free

So listen with caution, this cautionary tale is not spun to further the friction, there's not a fraction of this that's fiction, it's just that I can't stop what's already begun, what's done is done, I've won, your defenses are broken, the threat was one not as obvious as a gun so you thought it innocent fun but the jokes on you son, as soon as you read the caption it was straight to the coffin, my words just happen to often be a little somethin' like Jason, Mr Voorhees on a couple ****** sprees, tape shows once the chasings begun it would do no good to run, a fusion of life and illusion to cause mass confusion and frighten to the point you die of a brain contusion, written in a way that there's no coming back from, fallen from grace, in continuous motion as you fall through the bottom of your rock bottom, a deep chasm, a dark ocean, it's going to be grousome but by that point I'm on to the next one cause I know the outcome, you were ****** from before you could even apply caution,  before you realized you should use a life line to call someone, its already become something that could never be undone, don't look for a cure cause I can assure there ain't none. There's no fun in the remedy so I take action to make sure there ain't one

©2023
Jeremy Betts Nov 2023
My head is everywhere BUT in the game
Existin' and livin', my very own ball and chain
I walk the walk, a strut of shame
I wouldn't recognize a day without a cripplin' amount of pain
Physical or brain
Far more damaged under this fleshy terrain
I've lost the safety line between insane and sane
I'm lost beyond what I could not contain
Low to no visibility, can't see through the fog and rain
Not a chance in hell I'm coming out of this the same
A constant strain on this average Joe camouflage membrane
One I've made to hide what I'm made of, keeping the real me out of frame
I'll take the skill, you go ahead with the fame
If it's destiny who needs a strategy, why train?
What happens to the rest of me when there's no more life force to drain?
If I knick a main artery vain would you then know that I am not playin' around when I say all pain, no gain
Don't need no stupid prize so I won't play your stupid game
It's rigged anyway but that's why you came

©2023
is Sep 2023
The rusted mailbox
creaks as it’s pried open,
dented door dislodging.
Two yellow balloons
tethered to its post
and bobbing in the wind,
stark color against a slate sky.
The bomp bomp of the balloons barely
heard over the wind’s whistles.

Empty inside.
It’s Sunday
after all. Too easy for you to forget
the day when days
amalgamate into one
long moment. Stuck in an
everlasting condition,
waiting for the day
when your mind
at last
is quiet.

A quiet
that comes when your hands
are busy. Too
distracted by tasks to
dwell on thoughts.
Mrs Timetable Aug 2023
You can try to fix it
Or just live with it
But dont fix it
Til its damaged

Carbon steel can be easily damaged.  The human heart is so much more fragile.
Good "life" analogy.
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