𝐷𝑒𝑎𝑟 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒, 𝑤ℎ𝑦 𝑑𝑖𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑙𝑒𝑓𝑡 𝑚𝑒?
𝑤ℎ𝑦 𝑑𝑖𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑢𝑡𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑏𝑒 𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑛?
𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑛'𝑡 𝑤𝑒 𝑠𝑢𝑝𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑒? 𝑇𝑜 𝑠𝑎𝑣𝑒 ℎ𝑢𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑢𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑏𝑜𝑟𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟?

𝐼 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑏𝑢𝑠𝑦, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑒 𝑠𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑒.
𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑠𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑚𝑦 𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑢𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑑𝑎𝑦 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑔...

𝑠𝑜 𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑦, 𝑤ℎ𝑦 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝑙𝑒𝑒𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑢𝑛 𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑢𝑡?
𝑊ℎ𝑦 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑑𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑒?
𝑤ℎ𝑦 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒?
𝑆𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑢𝑝 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑓𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡, 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡.

the pulsating rhythm feels dead
it moves and yet it stops
it dances and yet it cries
it sways and yet it breaks

the maroon skies and sunflowers
the one that i always dreamed of
how can i reach you?
how can i be with you?

the yellow seems bright to me
i am with you but i realized i don't want you
my heart feels so far when i'm with you
my dream is far when we are together

i just want to be free here
i want to chase you, badly and endlessly
even if it pains me a lot
even if you reject me

i want to be there
i want to see the sunset with sunflowers at my sight
i want to feel the euphoria in my eyes
even if it is a deadly sight

if you are not for me
remove the thought of you in my existence
please leave if we will not meet each other
because i always want you, even at the ends.

oh
oh how far i have
let myself go

i have forgotten
how it feels
how the words
bleed.

no more
no,
writing.

i need to express
how i feel
and i have never learned
how to be vocal

just,
writing.

every 73 seconds
an American is sexually assaulted.
these statistics do not shock me anymore.
1 in 5 American women have been *****
at some time in their lives.
1 in 71 American men have been *****
at some time in their lives.
in an average year,
there are 433,648 reported
rapes in the United States.
these are only 2 of those stories.
_________


#1
it does not shock me
when my friend calls
and says that she
doesn’t remember
what happened,
but she woke up
lying in a puddle
of her own blood.

it does not shock me
when she’s sobbing
so loudly into
the phone that I
can’t make out any
of her words.

it does not shock me
that I don’t need to
hear her to know
what happened
last night.
I can hear the fear
in her voice.
I can feel her pain.
I already know.

it does not shock me
when I see her sitting
in my passenger seat,
and I automatically know
that she is not fully here.
she left a part of herself
there on that mattress.
looking over at her,
I know that right now,
she is beginning to realize
that she lost something
that she will never
be able to get back.

it should have been hers
to give away,
but it was stolen.
she is the 1 in 5.
_______


#2
it does not shock me
when we walk past
the Auntie Anne’s
in the mall,
and my friend
collapses at the smell
of cinnamon
and sugary pretzels.

it does not shock me
when he apologizes
over and over
and tells me that
he was *****,
and that his ****** was
chewing on a piece of
cinnamon-scented gum.

it does not shock me
that I am holding him
while he shakes and cries
on the floor of the mall.
I want to hug him tighter
and keep him close to me,
but I know that right now,
his mind is already gone.
he feels like he is still there.
he tells me that it feels
like they are hurting him
all over again.
I can’t hold him
tight enough
to bring him back.

it does not shock me
that he waited so long
to tell me this.
it does not shock me
when he says that
he didn’t think it
mattered because
he is a man,
because so many
people have told him
he should’ve liked it.

he does not tell them
his rapists were
six grown men
at one time,
but they wouldn’t
care even if he did.
he is the 1 in 71.
________


we now avoid parties
and pale blue bedsheets.
we never go past certain streets,
even though it adds
a few extra miles onto every trip.
we now avoid pretzel stands
and candy stores.
we never watch romance movies or films, even though almost every movie
has some kind of *** or kissing scene.

we are always aware of where we go,
and who we’re with,
and who knows that we’re going out, and
who knows where we’ll be if we do.

we avoid the things
that we once loved to do.
we avoid the places
that we once loved to go.

we are hyper-vigilant,
and we are cautious,
and we are careful
because we are scared.
we are all scared.

my friend is the 1 in 5.
my other friend is the 1 in 71.
I am the 1 in 5.

almost everyone I know
has a story like this.
this information may be shocking,
but not to us. not anymore.
it can happen anywhere
to anyone at anytime,
but we see it so often that I think
we’ve grown numb to it.

if you talk to a group of teenagers
and you tell them, “I was *****.”
they will not be surprised.
this is every day.
we are afraid every day.

know that this is not
just a collection of statistics.
these are your family.
these are your friends.
these are all people just like you,
with beating hearts
and lives to live,
and we are so much more
than just numbers on a list.

Anyone who carries out
and
lives through
depths, complex
meanings
and
peculiarities in own
understanding
in their acts and affiliation
,
commits
Poetry
.

I weep daily............
Not
Due
To
My
Pain.
But,
After weeping i feel so much relief
of
Burden.