Hot summer breeze,
long sleeves, and
scars you cannot see

trigger warning: idk blood


i must be losing my mind

sitting here staring at the blood on my wrist
man... it's all over my wrist....
i could do more... but i ought to stop

but here i am...
just looking at it...
laughing...

i've found myself
in some delirious place
where the pain... it's funny
'cause there's so much
it's so ******* bad...
all i can do
is laugh
and bleed
and cry

trigger warning: self harm, cutting


unsheathed my blade
and held it to the light
and there, along the edge
a line of red
dried on
from night after night
of being used
over and over and over
in a desperate, futile attempt
to feel something
to control something
to see the damage
to see the pain
to attain release

and as i clean my blade
i'll wipe away the bit of me it took
to make myself bleed
so many times....
all over...
and then
i'll put it away
and move to wipe
my blood-soaked wrist

" Cut yourself"

Just a cut
Just a scratch
"What's that mark?"
"It was the cat."
Just an excuse
Just a lie
"What's with all the bracelets?"
" Just fashion, why?"
Just a tear
Just a scream
" Why were you crying?"
"Just a bad dream."
But it's not just a cut, or a tear, or a lie
It's 'just one more' until you die

drag it

that way

across so much of me

in need of coming open.

that utensil is a convocation.

i have seen so much,

doing my undoing

in a matter of lines i draw

and draw and draw through it.

these, the transgressions of my body

assume sagging

just as simply

as more unbroken flesh.

my bathroom mirror

cannot bend nor mend itself

back into existence

as you or i do,

becoming human.

Pain is the only healer I can befriend
Her unconventionality is my only sin
The bait and bleed
Then relief

Trigger warning: self harm


And here we are again
Another day lost to depression
There's so much to do
Can't clear my head of this noise...
I just want to spend some time
Taking care of myself
Or enjoying something
But I have things to do
Work to be done

and i know how to do it
i can quiet the noise
it's not hard
just a bit messy
i just... i just need a little...
a few delicate slits
right on the wrist
shock me back into existence
jolt me back to reality

i need it
i need to bleed for a little while
to clear the fog
to quiet the noise
to get me to focus
to get the work done
i... i have to...
i'll sort out coping strategies later
'cause right now
right now i need this.

it begins with a single slice.
then you start to feel it,
the adrenaline.
the excitment.
you feel the desire,
you long for more.

after the longing comes
more longing,
longing for the feeling,
desire for the rush.
soon you give into
the temptation.

then the guilt sets in.
shame about the ****** lines
on your arms.
shame about the scars
then you remember.
the adrenaline.
the rush.

then it begins again...