there is something painfully romantic
about pushing a needle through fabric
for hours, upon hours
sewing a poppet.
i know i will curse it anyways-
but the thought is nice.

Last night, I waited.
I waited today.
I waited tomorrow.
I waited ‘till my days were filled with nothing but sorrow.

Last night,
I waited ‘till
My eyelids were held open by thoughts of you.
‘Till the grass was glowing iridescent with dew.

Last night,
I waited for you.

My dreams were filled with tears.
My night was filled with fear.
In constant dread, I wait.

I wait for you.
Days to weeks.
Weeks to months.
Months to years.

I soon turned to dust.
Leaving my aching bones crushed.
In my grave--
I rest, silently.
Patiently, and desperately waiting for you.
To join me too.

This is what it feels like it
To lose yourself
Especially in poor timing
Now I never intended to lose myself
But things happened
Events occurred
Here I am now
What do you know
I'm stuck fighting a war within me
Reminding myself that I need to eat and sleep
Finding a million and one reasons to get out of bed
Trying to give a reason to have a genuine smile
It's tiring
It's draining
Worst of all...is that I don't even care
Currently I am watching from the sidelines
While my team is getting crushed
But coach won't let me play
So here I am now
Wondering what's my next plan
That's just it...
I don't have one
Usually do...but this time I don't

i opened my hand for you
and just as i thought you’d notice
you forgot that you left your book
in the hallway
away
from me.

i opened my eyes
to your silhouette
closing the door
without a single look back
at me.

i opened my mind to you

but i was far too cruel.

The dream wasn't for me
Like a window shopper
Peeking through the glass
Six feet away, desperately
Even if I reach out,
I'll never be able to touch
There's nothing I can do
Nothing will ever come true

The dream wasn't for me
When I dreamt it, I doubted it
And when I thought I'll have it
It slipped past me
Now I'm left with beers
Some broken hopes scattered
And worries and fears

The dream wasn't for me
I won't ever dream about it
Again and again it would come
Again and again I'll wake up
Some things are meant for others
But definitely not for me

you you you
my mind is clouded of you.

and it’s suffocating me to the
point where i can no longer breathe.

but i just wish you could reciprocate
these crushed emotions that flutter

through my heart and pound on my
ribcage like a wild animal.

you you you
my mind is clouded of you.

and it’s suffocating me to the
point where i can no longer breathe.

but i just wish you could reciprocate
these crushed emotions that flutter

through my heart and pound on my
ribcage like a wild animal.

Twisting turning through life sometimes seen through others eyes

Living in recovery, injuries that can't be seen, but felt so deeply, crushing my soul and deflating my heart.

Forgiving, feeling, thinking clearly, seeing light and its warmth touching every part.

To see you pains me like I was right at the start, thoughts creep in weaken me like fall leaves under a strong breeze.

I tell myself I'm better now far from those days when you had me on my knees begging and pleading like everything's my fault.

That's over now.

Twisting turning through life sometimes seen through others eyes

Living in recovery, injuries that can't be seen, but felt so deeply, crushing my soul and deflating my heart.

Forgiving, feeling, thinking clearly, seeing light and its warmth touching every part.

To see you pains me like I was right at the start, thoughts creep in weaken me like fall leaves under a strong breeze.

I tell myself I'm better now far from those days when you had me on my knees begging and pleading like everything's my fault.

That's over now.