I am a fragment
of a broken home,
parents that were
never meant for
one another
but tried their best
to love as if
they were.
They tried to
hold it together
for us kids
but life could never
be what we wanted
it to be.

I am a fragment
of my demons,
the voice
in my head
that tells me
over and over again,
"you're not enough."
There are some days
where that voice
feels greater
than my own
and I almost want to
give in.

I am a fragment
of failed relationships.
You told me I was
"too much."
It felt like daggers
in my chest
and suddenly
I couldn't breathe.
Since then,
I have always felt
I've needed to hold
myself back
and not drown in love.

I am a fragment
of the hell I've
been through.
It wasn't easy
to get to where
I am today.
My journey was
a little ragged,
not a straight shot...
but I'm still
standing tall and
going through
this thing we call
life.

I'm a fragment
of the songs
I've played
over and over again.
Some to block out
the pain,
the tears.
Others to reach
a state of nostalgia,
in an attempt
to go back to moments
I wished to relive.

I am a fragment
of those I surround
myself with.
The constant encouragement,
the kind words,
the shoulders to lean on,
the ability to understand
why I'm like this.
Where would I be
without it?

I am a fragment
of the books I've read.
The lines I underlined
to come back to again,
the characters I saw
a piece of myself in,
the events I read about
that hit home
a little too hard.

I am a fragment
of my flaws,
my mistakes,
my imperfections.
They've eaten me alive
for most of my life
but I am beginning
to come to terms
with them.
I am seeing
the beauty I once
refused to see
within them.

I am a fragment
of my emotions.
They were always
valid and real
despite those who
tried to convince me
otherwise.
The smiles and laughs
were just as significant
as the screams and tears.
I tell myself,
"you were never crazy...
you were just figuring
yourself out."

I am a fragment
of love.
Those that I loved,
those that never
loved me.
The times that
love evoked
happiness,
the times that
love caused me
pain.
It's all the same
when you think
about it.
It was all for,
love.

I am a fragment
of the woman
I was and
the woman I am.
I didn't always
love myself like this
but god, I'm glad I
now do...
because this is something
that can never be
taken away from me.

In the night, wind, rattle
I wake in the changing dark--
Pat! The sound of rain.

Pause, stride break
lean tree bends so slow;
birds leap to flight.

I don't write to pretend i'm deep,
I just am

Focus on her breathing,
the way he tenses,
afraid to lower walls for anyone.
My thoughts race, but I keep repeating;

I am here now
I am determined to cherish this, to preserve this moment.

I stroke her hair ever so gently,
a hand on his arm as a firm promise.
Now it's just us, and the music.
We breathe together in quiet understanding.

Even if just for a moment,
we are here now.

Give me something. Anything to quiet this feeling; this hollowness. Is this what happiness feels like? Is this what it’s like to be content?
I’m empty. I am a vast shell of a vessel that’s filled with such potential, such hope; but I waste it.
I’m wasted.
I’m wasted on the thought of you. The thought of you with someone else. The thought of being alone.
I don’t want to be alone.
It hurts. It shouldn’t hurt.
I am empty.
I don’t know how to feel but I do when you’re near and I wish that it would stop.
I want to be happy always.
I don’t want to be dependent on you for the sun to shine. I don’t want to feel as though you hung the moon. You didn’t. I did.
I’m wasted.
Wasted youth. Wasted love. Wasted space.
If this is what it is to be content; to be happy…
It’s a numb feeling.
Everything is perfect and yet…
I’m empty.
I love with a burning passion, so much so that you get torn up and scorched in the process.
It is not a slow burn it is all consuming.
It consumes me.
I’m consumed with a lonliness when you’re gone and when you’re here I yearn to feed it.
I need to feel you, I need to be near you. I need to know you’re not leaving. I need to prove to myself that this is real and that you are here and that you love me.
If I don’t I burn, my fire stays in me and it burns, it burns, it burns.
I’m overbearing.
I’ve scalded you; it’s too hot, you can’t breathe I’m smothering you and I can’t stop.
You push me away and the flames grow larger.
But when you go, the fire slowly dies out.
I’m not passionate.
I’m not a writer.
I’m empty.

Red sheets and the
Cool sides of my crimson pillow case.
Warm air
Breezes into my brand new place.
My fan is rotating
The birds are conversating
The sun will rise soon
And then it will be noon
And then the day will be done
But I'll still feel the sun
From my heart beat sheets
And my room, complete.

FINALLY
I've made it
As I throw my fist in the air
And show the world my widest smile
I rejoice with everything in me
For I, have finally made it
I let out the deep sigh
That I've been holding in
Since I crossed the starting line
I stand still, I stand firm
And I stand tall
For I, Joshua Humphries,
have finally made it
No more looking back
The point of destination has been reached
Didn't think I would make it
People threw knives
And words that cut me deep
But I went past the forks in the road
And with my head held high I went straight
For I, Josh Humphries
The one that even doubted himself,
Has finally made it
I traveled far,
And FINALLY,
After all the beams of sweat fell from my forehead,
And continued down to my eyes
I admit At first,
I couldn't tell if they were showers of sweat
or tears
BUT WHATEVER THEY WERE,
I pulled them away from my blinded eyes
And after rowing down my own streams
For I,
Have found love
For I am content,
I need no more than what I have
All I need now is you to be in your presence
The one that fills my cup,
And seems to always overflow
It's the one that always gives
And gives more than I need
It's the one that looks at a shattered boy,
And has the time to piece me,
Back together, but better
The one that greets me in the morning
The one that makes me stand taller
The one that makes me run farther
Streams, nor serpents, nor words
Can stop this,
I used to be infatuated with
The clothes,
But because of you,
The things that fuel and motivate me
Are seeing you, making goals,
And having dreams to focus on
I pray that someday in the future
My best friend will never become my enemy
I give you all of me,
Because it's all I can offer
As I'm here reciting this to you
I might be stumbling on my words,
****, I do stumble on my words a lotIt only happens when I speak from the heart,
Just know that you're one of the best things
To happen to me in my young life
So as I give the world my widest smile
And throw my fist in the air,
I give you the other one
And rejoice,
As I can finally say,
I made it,
I found, love