Your consciousness is restricted by your self-imposed ignorance. You are so much more then your consumerism impulses, your romantic fantasies/heartaches, your political ideologies, and your religious dogmas. You are a universe of potential, something that can be developed in the stillness of introverted introspection, something that is unique and beautiful, something that longs to be shared with the world. You are your own mechanism for self-directed emotional, intellectual, nutritional, and  neurochemical evolution. You just have to look beyond the predefined prepackaged reality and realize just because it is done this way does not mean it has to be done that.

I once believed religion was created to solidify the separation of humans as a species.
It's taken dark days to make me rethink that claim.
I am no Neandrathal. I do not need to hunt to fuel my body.
Just as my enemies would never stand in front of me.
Honest. Clenching their weapon. Clear; their intentions.

No, you see this day an age, it's all a mental spare.
Problem is, your enemies all look the same.
Do you really?
Are you sure?
How can you know?
Inner thoughts become consuming.
Especially when you are dancing with fear, hope, desire, passion, and the idea of what is right.
The mental stress can drive a person, any person, to insanity.

Homoerectus too could not fathom the transition.
To live in a world, knowing there is more than what they see.
I wonder if the pit of this is making sense, then you must be lucky.
Naivety is bliss.
It's true, I have lost my mind.
But in this day an age, I can just go to the store and buy another.

I'm rambling now, I get that from my mother.
Like I was saying.

No wonder they created Gods.
Without them, they would've lost their sanity.

Let there be light
To truly see, is absolutely torturing
But it sure as hell beats the darkness.

patterns
i notice them in my experience
i notice
the postivies
the negatives
what drives me crazy
what i should ****
who i should care for

the things that fall out of my memory
what i should remember

what peace is

how to be aware of pain without acting

my love... for whatever happens

my hate... for nothing that doesnt make sense

Dear Beebabe,

I know you're not feeling well
The torrent of your own mind can become
The dagger that slices you and makes you frail
But it will end soon, then you'll hum
To find that you never really left home

And when that day arrives
I'll be by your side
And then you'll ask, where did I get these knives?
And then I'll say, they came from the wide
Hole in your mind

When you're recovered
You won't remember the day
That these knives did more than smothered
The bright flame that makes you sway
Your hips when you're feeling gay

The slits in your consciousness
Won't compare to the inner you
That resides in my blessedness
You will ask, why did you allow me to chew
On my beebro? Dear, you seem so renewed!

I'll reply, because even though
You're not my flesh and bone
You're own love for me saw me through
The weeks you sat on depression throne
I knew that one day you'll find your way home

That you never did leave.
I saw you through these hard times
Because I knew your mind would cleave
To see my own heart and soul chime
In the tune that makes you mine.

And mine you are
And shall never not be
Because you mean more to me
Than my very own bare
Heart, soul, and mind
Given solely to us, the beebro three

I'll hear you say, I'm soory
I didn't mean to make you woory
I guess I just choose my own folly
That bittersweet throne, golly!
I'll say, dear, miss molly

Tonight we take the trolley
Climb aboard, we'll go rolling
Through the hills to make you see fully
And not pretend we represent Fern Gully
And you'll see that depression is just a bully

That in the end, will never,
Ever,
Change the you inside

Live in your moment now.
Your mind will heal tomorrow.

But for today rest in the knowledge
That I've also been through the sludge

Today I just hope to be
The bright light for you

That you miraculously were for me.

With love and compassion,
Signed therein:

Me, your soulmatage.

I touch the mirror thinking i know
       the truth of reflection
Not separate but i moving i stare
       mesmerized in dream worlds
Flat      two dimensional      pieces of now
       pride swells to safety mastery thought
Of all claimed a union intimate wisdom
       if but shyly humbly
An ant whispers      hallucinating lions roar
       lions will      and billions of other ants
       see deluded      gold bushy mane
       carnivore teeth      breath of flesh
       eater
Braincarving rationalized existence
       ecstatic hope or fear for the moment
       in mind
Sight touch sound taste smell
       consciousness sensate
Variables infinite shaped perceiver
       perceiving perceived perceptions
Wave after turbulent wave
       light      gravity
       x-ray      thought
       one object      cause effect
       different view
Holding together a mote of cosmos
       non other than we this
       mountain meru

aeons of stability
against the grain of the counter-odds
here we are
still teased by that finicky fickle face of adversity

the oldest of the bunch laugh back
their dentures pelting the pompous face
one of them mutters
"now, now, talk is cheap, get some sleep"

caught in a strainer of a world so new squished into my antics

buzzing currents pushing feedback loops, both sides of the same

there, that stagnant gummy domain is eager for my approach

this time, i can't help but create him

a strange birthplace could be complimented with curious results

last. words.

You want to give me the speech
you want to act like I haven't heard it before
assume you've existed purely for this moment

that death
dying
don't
refer to me
first

my own worst enemy
these words trail
down the stairs
morph a train
behind ankles
as the morning coffee begins to percolate
they don't just sing me to sleep
they roll over just as Im starting to slip into a dreamless night
and bite the end of my ear
nibble away
licking my neck until
I pulse only for them
how each moment
each passing breath
I cannot forget
when the time ran out
for each fragile discipline of atoms, molecules
I loved so tenderly

as they slowly exited my life
as I severed them from my cerebral cortex to protect myself
as they jumped from the tallest bridge in Portland
shoved the needle deeper into their skin

left me to remember them
left me to forget them
left me to watch as each leaf falls to the ground
wave crashes around my knees

grief
will sing me to sleep
I'm
my
own
worst
enemy.