I want to be a criminal defence lawyer.
And I would be a ‘sincere’ criminal defence lawyer,
Breaking the norms.
Pretending to defend the criminal till the court date,
Just long enough to gather all of the evidence I get against him.
Give him just enough hope to stop the seed of suspicion to grow,
Then change my colour like a chameleon,
And sweep his sinful life into the darkness of prison.
But I will be rich right?
Because my uncle makes a fortune with this profession,
So yes, being a criminal defence lawyer would be a good idea.

I could also be a realtor.
And I would be an impatient realtor,
Yelling at the buyers when
They spend 6 months looking at houses and deciding not to buy it.
I would give them half of the information,
Leaving them wondering,
Like an individual looking for a drop of water in a desert.
And I would be able to live in a luxurious house,
With a huge chandelier at the entrance and a glass elevator, right?
Just like my cousin.
So yes, being a realtor is also not a bad idea.

Or I could be a writer.
And I would be an excellent writer,
Something that I wanted to be after the first book I read,
Reflecting upon what I know and,
Wondering about the unknown.
A grand chandelier I may not have but,
A wall decorated with my curious thoughts,
Lightning up the mind of the one who enters the small but cozy home.
I am not the water changing myself to fit the glass,
But I am the glass with unique design and space,
Allowing my dreams and imagination to fill the empty space.

The strings
the way I pluck it
gives extra strength
to my soul.
The notes
I try to read
drives my thirst
spirit.
The lyrics
I write in a paper
expresses every single
emotion.
The music
I hear and I make
mends shattered
feeling.

But

The passion
I have
and truly love
seems fading.
The comparison
I get from others
is breaking every
notes.
The people
who are showing that
I am no good
made my paper empty.
Discouragement
scrapes the willing
and hoping
heart.

*-Steph Dionisio, July 26, 2015

I used to be so bubbly
I used to be so happy
So carefree
So free of misery

Now
Laughing is a struggle
Smiling is a mask
All I seem to do is choke up and fail

I used to be so smart
Such a bright girl
Such a clever girl

Now
I can barely think
Stress and disappointment seem to be the only things Im smart enough to know are a problem

I used to feel pretty
I used to feel loved

Now
I see eyes glance over me as though Im nothing
I see stares and glares
And if I am so loved then why I am so alone?

I used to be enthusiastic
I used to be the first to volunteer

Now
Im too scared to even get out of my chair
Anxiety eats me alive if I even draw the smallest attention to myself

I know that you don't care
But maybe you can relate
To old me
That I could appreciate

A trees roots are very strong, but are only considered the strongest when the trunk is shattered.
Imagine the roots are your parents, you are the trunk.
If you get shattered and broken, your parents will remain strong. For you. To keep you growing.

Nature's great for comparisons.
I mean, imagine a cave on a cliff edge. That's anxiety. You can see it all, but you're confined. A little claustrophobic at times, right?
Not always fun.

And that cloud, I guess it's like happiness.
All at once, a little at a time, or none at all. Funny, isn't it? How something associated negatively could become positive.
Maybe it's just our outlook on life. Maybe it's what we were taught, but why can't we start thinking, learning, and growing for ourselves? Why don't we start the change?

honey suckle, babies breath
rosy buds of lifes breast
the sky is blind
the sea is deaf
together, they are
at their best.

evergreens, palm trees
they all look
the same to me
through wind they speak
and sap they bleed
always in beautiful simplicity.

as children get older,
teenagers- they grow colder
she needs a man
at night to hold her
keep her warm

and he, though strong
is weakened from
the long endless nights
where everything broke,
shattered, disintegrated
gone

he needs her gentle touch
to tickle his skin,
fill all the holes
gaping within

just as the sea and sky
and trees laughing in the wind
he needs her
and she needs him.

Always this, but never that.
Comparisons made at.
It'll never overlap,
An eternal void, infinite gap.

Whatever gold I have,
Falls short of what I want.
Am I ungrateful or what?
I just want this to shut.

An innocent question, I have
I wonder if a time has passed,
If in your mind you had,
An idea of me that dashed.

I guess I'll never stop,
Having your thoughts inside.
To empty faith, I'll hop,
Lose myself, lose my guide.

Just like during a shower
when the rain falls down
On a summer afternoon.

The sun shines later
Unveiled from the clouds
Like curtains being pulled back.

Evaporation takes over
And the remains of rain
Are gone.

Except for.

The damp grass
And shiny cars caught in its path.

That's how we were,
Here one minute
Evaporated the next.
And I'm still feeling the effects
Of getting caught in a shower
Without any protection whatsoever.