Persons who, not agreeing with you,
Will tell you, your perspective is wrong.
That lived experience,
Has clouded your lense of reality.
But they offer no real difference
Nothing so substantive
As to say,
Mine is fixed
And based in a place
Of true, unbiased rationality.

You were a drug to me, babe.
      You weren't the medicinal kind either.
                                          You weren't just a painkiller.
You weren't an antidepressant.
                                                     You weren't a Xanax.
                                                        You weren't ******.
You weren't even the good kind of drug.

                    You weren't ****** or **** or ecstasy.
You were the kind of drug that
                                           messed around with my heart and left my brain feeling clouded.
You were the kind of drug that left me confused and
                                                                               feeling worse than before I took you.
But I did.
Again and
again.
I told myself I would
break this vicious cycle of unscrewing your cap and
                                                                   hating myself for it afterwards.
That I wouldn't draw back the plunger and
                                                          force you into my veins anymore.
But I didn't.
Again and
again.

I told myself you
                                                would be the death of me.

Every high you gave me left me feeling
                                                                          lost in the clouds.

I might as well have been
                                    six feet deep.

Today my mind is clouded and my heart is heavy
Although even with all this weight I carry from my thoughts to my feelings
My body feels as though I am floating between the earth an the sky with nowhere to go

So I been thinking about my next Move and how to make it right,
it’s becoming a bit of a sore eye but I’ll never lose sight.
at the end of the day all I got is myself, I will continue to grow without ur help.
I am reaching for a way out but I’ve been moving in circles,
wondering if it was that blue dream or ***** purple, that
day was when my vision got so clouded
rumor has it at least that’s how it started.
I been thinking about my next Move and how to make it right,
it’s becoming a bit of a sore eye but I’ll never lose sight.

Woven in the wind was the tissue thin veils
              of wings that tore upon the heavens,
                                                in subtle breathes.

Subtle mirages were spread around there
                                  worldly travels.
              Never seeing what was there.

Just a shimmer of  rainbow shades.
                A kaleidoscope of reflection,
     seeing shades shimmer delicately.


But when a raindrop never descended,
                    and in the collective desert
                    of visual obscurity were they vulnerable.


Play things for the feral masters of pink flesh
                did they jump feverishly.
   But on human eyes did the mirage fulfil.
                   a fallen wing had fell.


And with a plastic tomb were they dispatched.
                 an offering of great pleasure.
But t human cognitive visuals a fluorescent bird
                                                              fe­athers clawed


without a hue of intention only the fever of the hunt.

Man only saw a incandescent mirage,
                       when rain fell.
                       but beneath this camouflage
                were wings that flustered the seasons
                                         pleasures on mans world.

Who decides what’s right and what’s wrong?
How do we distinguish what to do in a tough situation?
Morality?
Logic?
Heart?
Brain?

Overwhelmed as our brain floods with water,
Mixing the black and white
Into a gray,
We can’t find the answer
Because there simply is no answer.

Everything is just gray.

We blindly choose,
Hoping for the best,
But little to our knowledge,
Based of this choice
A ripple begins,
And slowly spreads through the pond of our life,

Simply growing larger
And larger
Spreading further
And further,
An unstoppable force,
Continually altering,
more and more

Until the whole pond becomes
Gray.

I have to remember. I have to remember
this. for as long as I can. for forever.
I have to.   I cant let this go.   I cant let this feeling

                    go.