I want to rap it out
 but I don't know where to start
 it's just so hard

 when 

I talk about things from my heart


 and I don't know how to say this to you
 And be true to myself 
 But I'm not sure I'm ready
 to just put it on a shelf 

 Cause things they keep coming 
 they keep attacking me 
from every angle 
 up down left and right it's all on top of me 

 it's just so hard going through life 

with all these memories 

 Sitting here thinking 'bout old friends
Promised we'd be there till the end
Up late trying to keep my composure
But all I want is a little bit of closure

It always comes at the worst times
I'll see something while standing in line
And the memories come rushing back
And there's nothing i can do 
Nothing left now but to think about you

Bout the good times we used to have
All the crazy stuff we did and we'd laugh

All the plans we laid out together
Turns out none of it came true
 but it eventually did get better

Man the parties we threw that was fun
And don't forget when we both bought our first gun
Loads of alcohol and bullets plus a suit or two
Life was pretty good hanging with you

Sitting here thinking 'bout old friends
Promised we'd be there till the end
Up late trying to keep my composure
I'm just trying to get a little bit of closure

You were my best man and i was yours
Life started getting busy and of course
It got harder to keep in touch 
And get together
But we never lost that vibe we survived
Cause we promised i got your back forever

But then the worst happened
You took a nose dive with some bad people
Got hooked on drugs and alcohol 
And they became your steeple 
Started to lose touch and you turned your back on family

It's so ******* up but we been through worse haven't we?!

Today i don't know where you are
I don't know if you're fine 
or if you're living in a car
A dead beat or just dead ashes in a jar

But Man i wish you would hear this
I still got your back you're not friendless 

Sitting here dreaming 'bout old friends
Promised we'd be there till the end
Up late trying to keep my composure
I think I'm too late to have any closure

My nightmares are filled
with all the words I should have said.

The cold air
sends shivers
down my spine

The ghost of
yesterday,

Haunting me
again.

Every day passing,
feels like torture,

And I don’t know
what to do.

Moving on should
be easy, but

It’s hard to see
My life without you.

I know
Nothing last forever,

And it’s hard to sever
the ties of the past,

When I’m still not
over you.

Didn’t use to
hesitate for
a single second,

Jumping to
conclusions,

And headfirst
into all the
evidence.

I never doubted
a word you said,

Even if the words
I said weren’t so
clear.

I never
learned to put

trust
within
myself,

Lived my
life, hiding
in fear of
self.

It’s not an
easy thing to
admit,

And
I know all
the things
I’ve done.

Saying sorry won’t
make it all come undone.

Love is a boulevard,
Sometimes we're in different lanes.
If all's going well, then I guess it's the same.
But what of the self-imposed roadblocks,
Or closures for repairs?
Things never gotten round to, and now
Some roads lead nowhere

I found a slip of paper with your address
It didn't hurt to see it, not like it did when I tore it out of my notepad
I've justified keeping it for "revenge"
on who? your mom? it's her house; she didn't do anything
But, it didn't hurt this time
I crumpled it up and took a breath and threw it in my trash can
It was gone but not really
I want it to be gone, I want to move on
I lit an almost-burned-out candle, the small flame grew taller as it enveloped the purple paper ball
A delicate stream of smoke rose; the smell of burnt paper filled my room
I watched the flame dance while it slowly turned the paper into ash
The candle, now liquefied and exhausted, begged to be put to rest
But the flame desperately clung to the worn out wick, anything to stay alive; almost screaming "what if" and "but"
pitifully attempting to justify its needless existence
I want to move on
Why am I grasping at anything to keep this memory relevant?
I want to move on
Why is it so hard?
But seeing the paper didn't hurt this time
The smoke, like a Phoenix of catharsis, rose from the ash and melted wax
I can finally put it out
I gently place the lid on the jar
The flame that had been so tall and alive became meek and helpless
It's gone now
I am moving on,
So mote it be