Smoking cigarettes
Letting ashes fall on my face
If it is too late,
Bury me in my birthplace
There’s so much hate
Wasn’t my choice but my fate
It is too late
So bury me in birthplace

I was told to run away
Far away to a land that would love me
People here, won’t understand
With the way they’re living today

And I would’ve escaped
If I didn’t want them to love me back
And trust me when I say that it suffocates me
Every single word that I speak,
Every single thing I do
I must remain, I must remain discreet

But I’ve stayed quiet
I dyed myself in colours of these men
That sometimes I forget who I am
Their hatred for me, has seeped in me
It has taken me years to understand myself
And now they ask me to justify my existence
I can **** a thousand men,
But I can’t love one

But now it is too late
I’ll crumble underneath the weight
Of the system that has been running
For centuries to give power to them
And now they don’t even have compassion
They won’t embrace what I can’t change
They can love me, know me for hundred things
But it’s one thing they won’t tolerate
‘’dishonour, *****, disgrace’’
I can’t hear these words
So bury me in my birthplace

O whisperer,
When I die, I want you to visit my home
As a final wish
There in bedroom, take off the clock from the wall
Behind it, in a secret orifice, you’ll find a steel box
With a numeric lock
Enter 2.12.19, it is the exact day I fell in love with you
The exact day, you became the whisperer
And within this tiny box, you’ll find letters
These were the letters I wrote
And pretended I sent to you
I want you to read them all
I know you might not understand them
So I want you to reach out to someone
Who can explain them to you
After that I want you to burn them all
Although I assume you might already want to do that
In your fury, in your disgust
you might want to turn them into ashes and dust
But I hope you do try to understand them

Don’t let my words get to your head
Yes I called you many things
Loud, arrogant, mean, selfish
Chameleon, hypocrite, liar, egocentric
Which to be fair you were
But you were also my true love
Yes, if you haven’t realized that yet
I will say it again I do love you
For a long time, it feels like 100 years,
Centuries, lifetimes
For all this time, your thoughts tormented me

So O whisperer!
Will you remember me?
At least for 100 days?
Will you think about me
When you to go sleep?
Will my face linger in your head?
Will you think about everything you said?
Will you finally come to visit me when I am dead?
maybe shed a tear? Just a tiny droplet of it
What will you say, when you get the news?
O whisperer! There is nobody to blame
Except the fate,
But please visit my grave, alone, finally alone
Preferably late at night, perhaps 22.32,
The exact hour I fell in love with you

Why do you care so much are you gay?
A question I remember often being asked.
How illogical it is to assume your child
will be anything other than straight,
to be raised on the belief that other
was either a phase or a sin.
Maybe I just care about people as human beings -
or maybe there was something more to it.
How wrong it felt to push my sexuality in a corner
and pretend it did not exist.

Once I pushed past that,
the feeling was surreal.
Finally embracing your true self
is a feeling you never forget.
I did not choose this;
To fall in love with words, personalities, feelings,
never confined to gender,
but I have accepted it.
That is what is most liberating.
I feel free.
~ I.M

Strip me bare of my insecurities
Lay a breath of cold air upon the chest I hide from all
Stripped of my shield
I sit vulnerable and scared
The galaxies and black holes,
That makes up my mind,
Widen with each word

Hopeful feelings lay in spots on my stomach and arms
Spots that have healed
But not left me
Dreams of acceptance and confidence
Have since become the shattered pieces of my bathroom mirror
The same mirror that makes me remember
All the ways my identity is fractured

Like the black holes in my eyes
There is a mystery to me
I believe that I am bad
I believe that who I am is disastrous to those around me
Yet what is an identity without such beliefs
Perhaps a good one

Colorful feelings, followed by dark and grey
That’s what you see when you strip everything away
Bones cracking from the pressure of being so conflicted
Signs of ripping as the heart tries to follow what it desires
The head, bleeding, as the pain of resisting grows

Cannot be me,
Give me back my insecurities
Give me back the bindings
Give me back my shield
Give me back my dark feelings and let me bleed
I can hold up fine
It is only my identity I am hiding
But we all know this is just a lie

She stood from the outside only hoping to be among the others.
Wondering why she couldn't show her love.
Infuriated but yet so scared of how the world would view her.
Second guessing her past, current,and future moves.
Go out or Stay in.
"Why must I hide you, love?"
"Because, you'll lose those most precious to you and from there, there is no going back"
Deciding she would rather keep her family and stay private rather than lose those closest to her, she held her wife in the tightest grasp and whispered
"I'm sorry my love. There's always tomorrow"

if I told you
the "F" marked on my
birth certificate wasn't me
would you tell me how wrong
I am?
how I'm too young
to know or think something
like that?
if I told you I'd rather
flatten my chest
deepen my voice
shorten my hair
be called something
you think I'm not
how would that turn out?
I hope one day
I can tell you how I feel
without the fear or proof that
to you
I wouldn't be a child
playing dress up

I’ve written before
About living in the grey
The in betweens and out of lucks.

I seem to never escape
The areas where the line blurs.
I don’t love just one part
I can’t be just one type
I’m a hurricane and a sprinkle
A little lost a little found  
Blue grey black yellow pink

These dualities live in me
The insecurity yet destiny
The anxiety yet certainty
The love of one v love of all
And above all
The absolute knowledge
That these dualities
Can’t
Be
Known.