Didn’t use to
hesitate for
a single second,

Jumping to
conclusions,

And headfirst
into all the
evidence.

I never doubted
a word you said,

Even if the words
I said weren’t so
clear.

I never
learned to put

trust
within
myself,

Lived my
life, hiding
in fear of
self.

It’s not an
easy thing to
admit,

And
I know all
the things
I’ve done.

Saying sorry won’t
make it all come undone.

I wish I could scrub you from my skin
But your fingerprints have seeped through to my soul
You left smudges, marks
                 on my windows
And now, I think I will never be free of you
You have ruined me for anyone else
I don't shine quite the same
And it's a shame
Because...
I've given so much of myself that now, I'm left with only pieces of who I once was
After you waltzed in
   like the Devil in the pale moonlight
With your promises
as empty as they were
And your "I love you's"
even I knew they were lies as they fell from your lips
But I believed them
And I actually thought you were different
Silly me because I'll be spending a spell
Trying to wipe you away
I refuse to be dirtied by the likes of you

it's quite

unfair

isn't it?

you're just used to this kind of thing already.

this isn't your first gig.

you've done this several times already.

you've liked someone before

you've flirted with someone before

you've been on dates before

you've kissed girls before

you've been with someone before

you've broken up with girls before

you've already done this before.

what about me?

this was my first gig and i can't help but


still think about it.


it's already been like

what?

almost

five months now

since we've happened.

how are you dealing with this?

knowing you

you've most likely already forgotten about it.

you're completely over it like you are with the other girls.

i can't say i hate you for it.

if anything, i commend you and i genuinely wish i could do

the same thing.

i'm still kinda stuck in limbo.

thinking about how you first kissed me in the movie theater.

it was dark

only the screen to illuminate us.

then you kissed me once

and asked for another afterwards.

you're a charmer, you know?

of course you do, your ego reminds you everyday.

maybe i should hate you because of that.

because of your overinflated ego.

but i can't.

i really can't.

why can't i?

i say i'm over it, but i'm here writing about it.

if only you broke up with me for something else.

something i could despise you for and instantly forget that


we


ever happened.

but that didn't happen.

you broke up with me for something reasonable.

and until now, you continue to stay with me and support me in my endeavors

and i tend to do the same.

like i owe it to you or something.

i do.

you've helped me through so much.

i just wish i could forget that

we

were ever really a thing.

it's revolting to just

constantly

be bombarded with the past

while you get to act like it never happened.

you're good at this, aren't you?

you've mastered

moving on.

while i'm left to deal with the remnants of something

that has long happened.

it's really just

unfair.

You know you’re the only one-
The love of my life, the one I care about,
The one my heart belongs to.
So why are you fixated on my past?
Those relationships mean nothing to me.
Those were a long time ago-
Before we found each other,
Before I knew what true love was.

You don’t like that I keep my old poems,
Those that were written to celebrate old romances,
Or to mourn past breakups and heartaches.
But I keep them because I like compiling them,
Because they’re my creative work,
Because poetry is my emotional outlet.
Not because I harbor any feelings for my exes.
That’s just ridiculous.
Their names don’t ignite any emotions or memories.
So love, please cast aside your insecurities
Because you’re the only one in my heart-
The one I belong to, the one I belong with.