Part 1
Pressed from all sides
'neath a mountain of gifts,
each blessing designed
to create yet more rifts.

Weighed from above
and compressed from all sides;
useless and helpless
and angry besides.

Defending forever;
with no give to take.
Now tired and broken,
just one decision to make.

Keep defending or not;
be compressed or fight.
claw my nose above water
or slip out of sight.

Still searching for reasons
to seek each new day
and continuing on is just
the most familiar way.

It's ever more appealing
to cease and be gone.
So tired of fighting,
of playing the pawn.

I ache for the stillness
I hope could be mine.
Yes, this lone hope is morbid
but it's serving just fine.

If hope springs eternal
there should be more around.
Perhaps they are waiting
within frozen ground.

Part 2
I've realized, I don't really want to die
I just want my world to die around me
the hypocrites circling to seek a cause
to be rid of unsuitable me
the family burdened by growing cost
clutching insurance in case I never succeed
the home I may lose- any time, many ways-
due to spite, envy and greed
the smile that I share, every day everywhere
despite what remains unseen
the pain ever there, never slack, always bare
finding new cause, in everything new, everywhere...
I don't really want to die
I just want my world to die around me
but in the absence of that, there is me
which could leave me similarly free
and that is well worth considering.

Part 3
Though I've realized this
no decision is yet made
I remain adrift

Part 4
Wrung out and still dripping,
these tears still slipping away,
under my skin;
Sallow thin skin.
A weekend lost to agonizing over
what is beyond my control
and always was
because I am still swayed by
those I care for and those I don't.
Shaken by each puff of breath
and screaming gale.
The thought of a mere ten minutes
has me terrified
and just for tonight
I would trade for almost any fight
that would allow me to run away.

I'm sorry, my dear.
I try not to miss you, but it's hard.
I feel discarded even though that wasn't the case.
You ended our partnership by completely justifiable terms,
And you are the most wonderful person I could've met,
But I can't move on even though you felt I'd be happier doing so,
Instead of waiting for you to readjust your life
When the truth is I'd be happier waiting.

I'm sorry, my dear.
I'd like to apologize; you're still on my mind nearly every hour.
You're an intruder of my thoughts, but welcome in my arms.
You sit in silence in my subconscious,
As it yells to you to answer, to assure me that you still love me.
And it drives me insane, because I know you still do.
What I don't know is if you still want me or not,
But I know that I want you way too much.

I'm sorry, my dear.
I don't know where to go from here.
I'm not sure if I should fight for you, or if I should go completely.
I'm leaning towards a compromise to be casual with you,
But I'm unsure if that would do me more harm than good.
I never understood what bitterness and jealousy was
Until I loved you, and I found myself finding other men vile
Merely for sharing a common passion: you.

I'm sorry, my dear.
I should leave well enough alone.
Perhaps it is better for us to be apart,
But I just don't see it yet.
But all I can see in the future is you or a void of confusion and emptiness,
So you can see why I'm having such a hard time picking the latter.
I know I should live in the moment and not the past.
But the past was the happiest time of my life.

I'm sorry, my dear.
I wish I could make you understand.

Hey

       Hi

Was just thinking of you

        Yeah, me too

Talk about your day

         Tell me about yours

While away some time before night falls.
The thing about desire is that the night dresses it up better.
Desire looks ***** during the day and I remain in rags till you;
till you say hello.
I’m boring, I pick the bed.
But, when you’re the same kind of boring, you fit like spoons in a kitchen drawer
and love, I am a small spoon.
I can only contain so much inside me that remembers details
of the spots on your neck,
or of the things you lost,
and the things you found
and the things I am to you.

It’s raining here.

  It’s raining here too.

You would have loved this weather.

                          Someday, I promise.

The promise of someday hangs over my heart like the blade of a guillotine waiting to strike.
I’ve made lists of the things I’d wear and the things we decide we’d rather not.
There are dark crevices and open spaces under greying skies where I’d hold you
to warn you I always have cold feet
and hope you offer to stay closer
or really, just stay.
Plead and please are not that far apart.
And God, I love it when you do both.
My fragile self breaks under the spell of desire mixed with the magic
of pixelated eyes I swear I can see right through.
That was when
I (you) found you (me) crawling under my (your) skin.

I miss you.

                  I miss you too.

I want you so much.

         More than you think.

We’ll count our dreams between sighs
and fall asleep in the arms of
your nights and my mornings
Enveloped only by the sounds of our own breathing
and the beep of the phone.

Blood boils my we' brain
I can barely contain!
How much words,
They can change!
Soul
Steal!
This cold-steel©
Here feel!
(Head rolls)
From the dead trolls
In my head
Who had taken control
Just for a second
We roll
Together
never forget
With words
you can help submit
Your-self and your own spirit
Which can
(In-turn)
Return
7 FOLD!
So "Go"
AND BE BOLD
But whatever you choose to do...
Don't let your heart grow cold!

We need not regret, yet it's touch is unforgettable
As humans, we are inclined to take action
May it be anger, love, or retaliation, it is our choice to make
We live it, we breathe it, we move past it
We are human, we learn, but we never forget it
Days past, Days Present, Days Future, we base our choices from it
We hate it, We love it, It is what we are today and whom we will be
Do we need regret? We never forget it

I yearn for something ever so strong
and adventurous
I want the feeling of
loving someone so much
that you just look at them
and think, "wow, I'm so lucky"
I feel like I could've had that
with you
If you'd stuck around longer
I guess circumstances really do change things