My mind is reeling
I can't help but feeling
Like I don't quite measure up

As time continues
I continue to feel used
Like I'm nothing to you after all

You ****** exotic,
beautiful creature.
Here we are again
I made sure to not be tardy this time
Which was easy since you moved ten minutes away
You called me seven times on the
walk from the parking lot, to your front door.
On the fourth call you mentioned pouring another shot of Jim Beam
So no, I will not be ******* you.
I am obligated to let you know I am a mess.
That is, I would have told you I am a mess
If you didn't mute me by providing more then enough proof it was mutual.
you said lets dump our boyfriends
date each other
Poly wouldn't be enough attention for you
Who have passed self destructive
into destroyed.
With your unzipped *** stained lingerie and ****** that I found
Still inside you.
you forgot it was there when you asked me to *******
the next morning
After my fifteenth no.

God bless that ******
Caution tape boon from some deity I should pray to more often.
Blessing me with one last chance to think before my actions.
That ****** saved me from any number of potential tragedies.
Yes I was disgusted
Not because the cotton string was mistaken originally for some sort of ***** rat tail.
Not because I imagined for a breif moment, a tiny sufficated animal
who got a little to curious.
Not because you were offended I wouldn't yank it out and ******* anyway,
instead of assuming it was a sign
I should stop my hands.
Go to bed.
Disgusted at myself.
if not for that magical used ******
from what I assume to be
the God of a full eight hours of sleep and
Inverted libido
I would have let myself be seduced Into spiraling back into ******* the pain away.

I've worked too hard at reminding myself who I am.
To let myself be the man who throws away the bruised hearts.
Or drowns them in a sea of bodies.

No.
Now that you've woken me.
Put your body away.
Now that you're sober.
Where is your heart.
Go on, get it.
Beautiful.
God is that a specimen.
Bruised from aorta to base.
Here's mine.
All purple and calloused.
Uncanny isn't it?


almost Identical

Saying that I wouldn't,
didn't stop me from doing something I shouldn't

Why? Why did you have to lie?
Leaving me with nothing but a sigh!
Can't you see you killing me?
Why can't your memory just leave?
Your words taunt me!
Your actions haunt me!

I remember your laugh,
and that you were my other half!
We liked the same bands,
and you were always there to hold my hand.
You were hard as a rock,
keeping my emotions inside and locked!

You got what you wanted,
leaving me eternally haunted!
I thought what we had was real,
but you just had me reeled!
All the secrets we've shared,
and playing with your hair.

Your lips were soft,
keeping me high as a loft.
I tried and tried,
but you never tried!
I cried and cried,
but you never cried!

You got her prego,
leaving me in pieces like legos.
You were an open book,
oh how you had me hooked.
Those eyes like glitter,
and that smile was a killer!

You're a user,
nothing but a loser.
I always saw through your games,
never giving you the fame.
Here I am with a pen,
remembering the tenth!

The day you felt me,
the day you loved me!
You always got what you wanted from me,
and from the other girls as well I see.
You left me for her,
with the nice jeans and boots of fur.

I unlocked my heart and threw away your key,
you stung me like a bee!
Leaving me with a deep ache,
and a strong feeling of hate.

I remember the day I lied,
and I wanted to hide!
But I couldn't lose you,
loose me because of you!

I pretended to be an expected mother,
so you'd still be my lover!
The kids laughed, whispered, and stared,
making me wish I never shared.

I was so shattered,
but it's not like I mattered.
You think of only you,
and her too!

I remember how low you sang notes,
and all of our love notes.
Thanks to all of your lies,
I now within say goodbye!

Today I missed you,
My mind wandered
And led me to memories,
Of you, of kisses
Of vows forgotten
And broken promises

I thought of your whereabouts,
If your heart is being taken care of
If your smile is still the brightest
I thought of your voice, echoing,
Through my veins and bones

Today I missed you,
I promise I won't call, neither text,
There is a reason you are now my ex,
A reason with a name and last name
Any other attempt, will keep me lame
So I'll just think,
And miss what you where

Some don’t recognize the difference between distance and meaning.
Some don’t appreciate the empty spaces the words are leaving.
Some mistake a lack of knowledge for a lack of worth.
Some diamonds are discarded.
Some pieces of **** are painted gold.
Some lion learn to love the lamb,
Some lamb the lion.
Some thoughts come at night because they’re too afraid to face the light.
Some stand so tall in ruin.
Some things you feel are real.
Some were never really there.
Some need but a minute, so take it; you’re worth it.

I'm sobering up now
and it starts to hit me;
one word screams in the back of my mind.

I finally arrive home and I feel physically sick.
Not because of the alcohol,
but from the events of the night

I walk into my bathroom
and stare at my reflection in the mirror.
I take off my make up,
and erase any evidence
of her lipstick on my cheeks.

I stand there
staring at myself.
My face is a wreck
my hair is a mess
and I smell like alcohol and cigarettes.

I change,
wash my face,
and climb into bed.
The clock reads
4:27

That's when the tears begin to form.

This feeling isn't new
I've experienced it before,
many times before now

But this time
it's different.
This time
I name it.

Guilt.

It's a funny thing.
It's a strange kind of feeling                                                          ­                          

You first experience it as a child,
taking that cookie
from the cookie jar
when no one was looking.                                                         ­                             

It feels great at first.
adrenaline
kicks in and you feel
like you can do anything.                                                        ­                                

But you know
deep inside
you know
you can't.                                                           ­                         

You will eventually
be caught.
Someone saw you
take that cookie,
steal that t-shirt,
lie to that boy,
kiss that girl                                                             ­                         

Someone saw you.                                                             ­                           

The truth will always come out.

Guilt.

When it sets in
there's no turning back.
No changing what you've done.
And that feeling
of knowing
you ****** up
and there's nothing you can do
that feeling
can tear you a part.
                                                           ­                         
that feeling
can hurt you
in ways you never thought
you could be hurt.

Guilt.                                                    ­                                    
When it sets in
you realize
you've hurt not only
the people around you
but you've damaged something
deep inside yourself
that can never be repaired.
                                                       ­                                   
A darkness
penetrates your soul
and settles in your heart
A darkness
that can never be removed.