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May 2016
I'm sobering up now
and it starts to hit me;
one word screams in the back of my mind.

I finally arrive home and I feel physically sick.
Not because of the alcohol,
but from the events of the night

I walk into my bathroom
and stare at my reflection in the mirror.
I take off my make up,
and erase any evidence
of her lipstick on my cheeks.

I stand there
staring at myself.
My face is a wreck
my hair is a mess
and I smell like alcohol and cigarettes.

I change,
wash my face,
and climb into bed.
The clock reads
4:27

That's when the tears begin to form.

This feeling isn't new
I've experienced it before,
many times before now

But this time
it's different.
This time
I name it.

Guilt.

It's a funny thing.
It's a strange kind of feeling                                                          ­                          

You first experience it as a child,
taking that cookie
from the cookie jar
when no one was looking.                                                         ­                             

It feels great at first.
adrenaline
kicks in and you feel
like you can do anything.                                                        ­                                

But you know
deep inside
you know
you can't.                                                           ­                         

You will eventually
be caught.
Someone saw you
take that cookie,
steal that t-shirt,
lie to that boy,
kiss that girl                                                             ­                         

Someone saw you.                                                             ­                           

The truth will always come out.

Guilt.

When it sets in
there's no turning back.
No changing what you've done.
And that feeling
of knowing
you ****** up
and there's nothing you can do
that feeling
can tear you a part.
                                                           ­                         
that feeling
can hurt you
in ways you never thought
you could be hurt.

Guilt.                                                    ­                                    
When it sets in
you realize
you've hurt not only
the people around you
but you've damaged something
deep inside yourself
that can never be repaired.
                                                       ­                                   
A darkness
penetrates your soul
and settles in your heart
A darkness
that can never be removed.
Cassandra Rose
Written by
Cassandra Rose  Bethlehem, PA
(Bethlehem, PA)   
349
   Grimmest and cgembry
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