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May 2016
I'm sobering up now
and it starts to hit me;
one word screams in the back of my mind.

I finally arrive home and I feel physically sick.
Not because of the alcohol,
but from the events of the night

I walk into my bathroom
and stare at my reflection in the mirror.
I take off my make up,
and erase any evidence
of her lipstick on my cheeks.

I stand there
staring at myself.
My face is a wreck
my hair is a mess
and I smell like alcohol and cigarettes.

I change,
wash my face,
and climb into bed.
The clock reads

That's when the tears begin to form.

This feeling isn't new
I've experienced it before,
many times before now

But this time
it's different.
This time
I name it.


It's a funny thing.
It's a strange kind of feeling                                                          ­                          

You first experience it as a child,
taking that cookie
from the cookie jar
when no one was looking.                                                         ­                             

It feels great at first.
kicks in and you feel
like you can do anything.                                                        ­                                

But you know
deep inside
you know
you can't.                                                           ­                         

You will eventually
be caught.
Someone saw you
take that cookie,
steal that t-shirt,
lie to that boy,
kiss that girl                                                             ­                         

Someone saw you.                                                             ­                           

The truth will always come out.


When it sets in
there's no turning back.
No changing what you've done.
And that feeling
of knowing
you ****** up
and there's nothing you can do
that feeling
can tear you a part.
that feeling
can hurt you
in ways you never thought
you could be hurt.

Guilt.                                                    ­                                    
When it sets in
you realize
you've hurt not only
the people around you
but you've damaged something
deep inside yourself
that can never be repaired.
A darkness
penetrates your soul
and settles in your heart
A darkness
that can never be removed.
Cassandra Rose
Written by
Cassandra Rose  Bethlehem, PA
(Bethlehem, PA)   
   Grimmest and cgembry
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