Before everything

i. I never knew four letters could melt
menthol candy-like, hydrochloric acid on my tongue
and keep burning it in different degrees
I had to swallow back.

ii. That there would come a time
I'd have to baptize the pain in my chest like seasons
robbing me lungfuls
on January, September and December nights.

iii. That my blood was really ink I needed to stop using
before my skin turned paper-like.

iv. That my heart had an epicenter pumping a magnitude of earthquakes
that made me tremble helplessly in its intensity;
and that they were man-made calamities
followed by harsh, heavy, whipping tsunamis
to flood my grave of bleeding, jagged fault lines.

v. That aftereffects lasted longer than treatment itself,
and that I didn't need any professional diagnosis to know
I was terminal
from the same drug that made butterfly-strokes in my veins,
whose arms withheld the only elixir to this malady.

vi. I named my sickness, my pain, my agony like orphaned children, after you--
a rare disease
the doctors didn't even know about yet.

vii. I did and I doubted
but a part of me beat signals
that echoed off the cave walls of my skull
that I knew.

viii. Before everything,
I have been warned
but I chose to listen to the soothing, wrong, hopeful voices
"He means no harm,".

ix. You began spreading like an epidemic-- a tumor to a colony of cells all over me-- until I became you;
a reflection of familiar suffering and mortality, slowly withering away.
In the end, I didn't even have you to blame
for letting me overdose from intakes
of my own ****, bitter medicine and unforgivable mistakes.

x. I guess, this was how you wanted the price to be paid.

How to make you understand
That you mean a lot to me
How to show it to you
I don't know

Come on give me your hand
Don't be afraid of me
Warmly, let me hold you
Let me show my love to you

One smile, one glance
It's happiness
No need for many words
No need for rewards

I never met someone like you before
I never thought I would
I never planned to feel like that
I never Imagined, what happened

Maybe there is someone else
Who makes you feel in the same way
Maybe I am one out of many for you
But it is obvious that we're close
Anyway

I don't wanna speculate
Did it already too much
It was a good lesson
Never interpret more in a touch

Sometimes I feel you are trying to say
That you also like me
But I bet I misunderstand
Anyway, give me your hand

i am a gambler
in life betting
all my coins,
fingers crossed

and fate,
like a child,
loves to play

My romantic mood turns into sweetness and roses
Suddenly,my sweetheart I just feel in love with love
Life opens up for me blooming with many chances
I find you all around me and on me over and above  

What romantic atmosphere prevails in your presence
What I see I can't explain in words my sweet beloved
I am surrounded all around by your essence ,fragrance
I feel as if I am to take champagne by opening its lid

Come bloom with me in  the spring like a beautiful rose
Let us conquer this world hand in hand till last moment
Let us be frank and straightforward to assault to bulldoze
Le us take the straight path to leave our eternal imprint

Col Muhammad Khalid Khan
Copyright 2017 Golden Glow

How many years had passed
Since my love has faded
Because of the great pain of our past

There are times that I was thinking
Will my heart can be able to go back  in its previous beat?
If the time between us is evading slowly

Is that so treacherous me the chance?
To let the tears, anger, and pain to be burried
But I can't do anything if Destiny is not in favor of me
All I can wish is to give me the person whom I deserve

it was raining and i didn't have an umbrella with me. you were all wet as well-- your cotton candy pink hair stuck to your forehead like long spider legs. why was it raining in december? you pulled out a magazine from your bag and covered your head with it, took a deep breath and ran across the street shrieking. you almost got hit by a compact car and you shrieked at it louder. something about you just screamed stupidity and fun. i will bring a big enough umbrella tomorrow. don't die too soon.

I'm not just someone who time-after-time ***** things up.
I honestly believe I wrote the book on it.

And my book is filled with stories of how I, no one else, single-handedly messed up everything I could have had.
I've messed a whole lot of things up in my life.
And I regret it all.

And lately, I've been thinking,
About all that I've done wrong.

It's been weighing on my mind like an anvil.
And also on my heart.

I've done myself wrong,
I've done school wrong,
But most importantly,
I've done others wrong.

I've neglected outreached hands that could have been my lifelines.
I've missed opportunities that could have been my successes.
I've thrown away friends that could have been my family.
But above all else, I've missed the chances to have the things I want most in my life, and I have no one to blame but myself.

And honestly, I have no idea why.
I've had everything that I have ever wanted right in the palm of my hand.
Everything I ever wanted was reaching its hand out to me...

And I ****** it up.

And now, here I am writing another poem about the things I could've had,
Instead of enjoying them myself.

If I could just have one wish in life,
One more opportunity,

I would want to go back and fix it all,

Go back to those moments,
Go back to those days,
Go back to the hospitals,
Go back to the parks,
Go back to the rehab centers,
Go back to those precious moments,
And not **** things up.

Because if only I could just go back,

Maybe I'd have better stories to tell.

Far from arms length, further in terms of time.
Restless nights multiply effortlessly.
Hope lingering past beyond points of doubt.
Chances abused, but an abundance equal to the piece's of my heart.
Determination upon a questionable creature.
But rather face this storm then regret it all.
I falter in pursuit, more so at night.