Loving you is like driving
In an open lane.
There are no distractions,
No other obstacles.
Long as I am with you
everything is fine.
Loving you is like having
the radio blast your voice
through the speakers.
Your arms the seat belt that
fits snug around me
Protecting me from ****** harm.
The quirk of your smile
dangling from the air freshener
above.
Loving you is like driving
In an open lane & my lips
are the bumper to the outer edge
of my heart.
My lips follow the guideline
of the lane.
Trailing each curve of the road.
Loving you is like driving
with no destination in mind.
Just as long as I am with you

It's always here,
In the loud, long nothings.
Always in the cramped quarters
With my legs woven,
All stiff and wound up like some morose marionette.
I guess that's where the words grow.

I like to imagine cars are horses
Running free, wind spirits of the open plains
Not machines.
I like to imagine I'm some great poet,
Inky pleasures flowing from mind to parchment.
Not just me.

I'm always imagining.
Especially here.
Imagining myself,
Imagining people notice me.
I don't much care how.
I imagine because it's harmless
And mine alone to taste and to have.
And I don't wish my imaginings were real.
For I cannot own experiences,
Only fantasies.

It's always here that I find myself tangled tight,
Sewn and enshrouded in words and thoughts and imaginings.
Maybe it's the dark or the late or the loud or the long
Or the routine
Or the nothing,
But it's always here that I find myself somewhere else.
Always here that I tie it all together, somehow.

Remember the clear blue sky.
Remember the beautiful flowing grass.
Remember the warm spring breeze.
Remember the early thaw.
Remember the beautiful pine trees.
Remember the exploding life.
Remember the sudden jolt.
Remember the three flips.
Remember the burn of the belt.
Remember the sound of mom hitting the roof.
Remember the NOISE.
Remember the aftermath.
Remember the thump of kicking out the window.
Remember the desperation of getting out.
Remember the worry about your sweater.
Remember the fear you had stained your dress.
Remember the grass cutting your legs while leaving the ditch.
Remember the woman who was kind.
Remember the yogurt with cookie crumbs.
Remember the cold spoon.
Remember the grey lunchbox.
Remember the blue cube ice pack.
Remember the girl who hadn't eaten it at lunch.
Remember the lie that you hadn't cried.
Remember the grey van.
Remember the white car stained red.
Remember the bus.
Remember the blood.
Remember the shattered glass.
Remember the man.
Remember the crimson paint.
Remember the scalp peeled back.
Remember the shrieking siren.
Remember the neighbors.
Remember the glistening beautiful glass.
Remember the cops.
Remember the ambulance ride.
Remember the hospital.
Remember the glass embedded in mommy's back.
Remember the doctors.
Remember the first time your blood pressure was taken.
Remember the sling.
Remember the pain.
Remember the fear.
Remember the questions.
Remember the thousands of times you told the story over.
Remember the details you suppressed.
Remember the trauma.
Remember the gasp each time the car slowed.
Remember the hands clutching the door.
Remember the death grip.
Remember the anxiety.
Remember the tears.
Remember the first time driving.
Remember the first time almost getting in a crash of your own.
Remember the fear each time you grip the wheel.
Remember the accident on your sixth birthday.

Kicked out
Undone
Undid it again

You used to be my
Kin
My friend
But now look at what you did

You threw out all the
Faith
Said, "Find a new place."

So Yes, you want space
I will find my place

But you,
My now unfriend
Your shrill ways to get your fill
Will never mend
Never heal
Make you better
Safer
Smarter

Your shrill will be
Our end

I ain't mad

Your new shoes mood
Left me
Dishonored & bruised

To OUT on the street
Car comfy I'll sleep

While you act like
I've peaked

Enjoy your IN-crowd vibe
Look alive
I choose to
Rise
Thrive
Love derived

Because my unfriend
This will I got does not bend.

That day,
we were riding
in the same old wreckage of a car
that you wouldn't change
because it reminded you of some actress you used to like.
you told me I look like her.
I never liked to be compared to, you knew that
you knew so much about me
that you could shatter
my existence,
but you never did that,
instead, you loved me.
And the next time we met
you came in a new car.
We went to the same places
talked about the same things
but today, you didn't compare me to anyone.
today you accepted me
as I am.

Thud-thud-thud thud thud-thud
Me and my silver owl glasses
And the silver car with the broken hood from when I ram ram
Ramed into the light grey garage and the pale
Blue fire hydrant
And now it goes thud-thud-thud
Thud thud-thud
And me and my owl glasses
Squint up at the sky while the car goes thud-thud
Thud thud-thud
And my skin basking in the sun’s glow,
Rudolph’s luck it was only his nose!
And with a little jingle,
Time to take the baked potato out
Bright red and ready to peel,
Leaving behind an ugly little thing,
In her silver owl glasses and thud-thud silver
Car
With the dented hood

problems are everywhere,
pain is everything,
build a bridge
and take step by step

until you're over it.

throw yourself into a grocery cart
and push
push through it.

until you reach the other side.

trauma hurts,
but standing in the same spot
unaffected, letting knowledge pass you by
like cars on a freeway
causes more pain than trauma.

look to your left
your right

this bridge is made to fit more than one person,
you're not alone.
it's built to hold
everyone.

you just have to recognize that
they're there.

our car is burning and there is nobody
to drive it
our car is going in circles


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