Her fingers tangled up in someone else
The same fingers that drew a line
A line I tried so desperately to cross
The difference between
Loving her
And being loved by her
Her eyes
Once steadied on me
Closed shut
Yet it was me who could no longer see
Her face
Disfigured by distance
Distance in her wants
And in my love
A face that lived so often in my head
I could reach inside of me and touch it
Unrecognizable
Nothing left to show
Her fingers
Her eyes
Her face

Fading

There's a certain kind
That holds you hostage
Way up there in the bleachers
In a red-light district
Cold and cheap
It lures you because you're lurable
Attach and you're stuck up there
In a certain kind
Of dilapidated ivory tower

It's only later on
When you're broken
When the nights have woven
Their history and the light
Has drained
Only when you're pushed out
Only when you're shoved off
Only then does the truth
Begin to talk

Until then it's been silent
Though gradually loosing appetite
For despair, denial, dilemma
Only when unhooked
Does that fierce, quite dismissal
Begin to beg for something else
Only then does
A certain other kind
Begin to go wild for itself

You wonder how yourself
Moldy and molting
And mad with lies
Had so deceived its own
You wonder how
If there is a god
S'he coulda watched you bleed
With self-betrayal
And sat there idle
While you slowly crumbled

But admit it
You were terribly cocky up there
In the pink and belly-full
***** and hookered
If G O D woulda spoken
You woulda spit in the face of divinity
And you probably did

So that certain kind
Watched and waiting
For another
Certain kind
To choke the bejasus outa ya
'til you slowly faded to full stop
And dropped to your knees
To a certain other kind

I'm so confused,
I don't know what to do.
No way to elude,
No way to breakthrough.

What should I do?
What should I pick?
What's my best option?
In times like these.

I'm craving help,
I'm craving knowledge.
I'm so confused,
But these feelings I'll stoppage.

“The sky is the limit.”, they say.
Tell that the guy who is afraid of heights.
We all have them,
like fingerprints,
like names,
like clothes.
Limits.
Different,
unique
and yet similar.
Limits that limit the speed of our car on the highway of life.
Limits that cover the sky with dark daunting clouds.
Limits that are steel bars of our steel cage.
We are not alone in this cage.
Everyone carries a list in their pockets.
It's good to know about the list.
And to recognize the handwriting.
You will see that some of them are not yours
but just passed on from others
like family.
Others are well-written in your own words.
But either way:
You've got the pencil in your hands.
Scratch out what doesn't serve you anymore.
The sky is the limit, they say?
Remember the astronauts who launched themselves into space.

Food for my lust that I don't refuse,
even after so many mornings of feeling just so used.
It always seems so easy, then easier to regret,
maybe this time the guilt I won't forget.
Maybe it's how I fight this battle alone,
I need the Savior that I can call my own.
So many times I seem to break,
which only leads to more mistakes.
Passive in the day then active at night,
if only these hormones could disappear out of my sight.
And yes I'm the only one that's seeing it.
Cause as of now nobody's been reading this.
This is a warning, please be heeding this.
All true pleasure is worth more than this.
****, you've been my bully for too long.
You've been my pack of cigarettes and now you're gone.
And now I will no longer hide because of you
Cause now I realize my new strength, and it always true.

I want you,
Superman got you,
Will hold you,
Never leave you,
And that's true,
Will uphold you,
Never hurt you,
Will protect you,
A great view,
I adore you,
Never loose you,
Always find you,
You're my breakthrough,
So no issue,
We'll scale through,
We'll push through,
We'll have two,
Sarah and andrew,
That will do,
I love you.

A year started with no expectation,
with little bit of tears
for i was a exception,
to relinquish, for years.

There you came, knowing nothing,
here, i fell for everything.
where would i go without your memories,
were i so crazy about the fairies.

My heart played tricks on me,
took me to a disneyland,
where i found a wonderland,
the butterflies flew all over me.

i kept dreaming on and on,
besides the hurt, fell in love again and again,
to find myself no gain again,
I still wanna go on and on.