Answer me this, Harold of Wisdom
They say follow your heart,
They say listen to it too,
But what if you're so separated from your heart,
you can't hear it,
nor can it move?

The heart beats fine
Rhythmic supply of crimson life unhindered
Yet it lies inside an invisible cage
A vault, if you may
Keeping it secure from the outside
But silent as well
Away from the waves of life
But unable to move
Time after time, the wall gets tested
Grows stronger
Until it is so fortified, a king would spend an entire army in its conquering

But what happens when one wishes to unlock this case?
Is it rusted together forever?
Does it leak the occasional flow of love?
Did it contain any to begin with?
One tries to undo the wall, brick by brick,
But that never does any good.
And the wall is so powerful,
No act of nature can batter it to its end
So anything one says at this stage comes out half-assed,
Insincere,
Untrustful,
Only showing half of one'a heart.
One doesn't aim for this,
No, not at all.
And yet the situation arises again and again.

The bricks of the walls
The walls of the hearts
The protection
The solitation
How does one conquer one's own defense?

My only fear
Is that I will spend every night
Sobbing in your arms
To make up for all the times
Everyone else
Left me to fend for myself.

Grateful for you
That's what I am
Blissfully unaware of how hard it must be for you to love me
With my irrational moods
And my seething rage
And my hastiness to say that you're wrong
I'm a ******* nightmare
I don't know what it is that makes you want to stay
Maybe you were cursed to love a girl so intolerable
So intolerable that everyone else in her life leaves

Maybe that's why you stay
You see how few people can even stand me
And you've taken it upon yourself to stand me
And stand me for the long haul
Because you look in my eyes and you tell me you love me,
That you want me,
That you need me.
And I can see it's the truth.

But sometimes I pity you
And I wish I were strong enough to sever the connection
To protect you from further torture of loving me
But I'm far too weak to let you go
And I'm far too selfish to think of you over me

But I want to say that I'm sorry
For all the moods I go through in a day
And all the stress I must cause you

But if it's any consolation,
I love you from the very bottom of my heart
And you are the most important thing in my world
And if I could change myself,
Become more tolerable,
More lovable,
I would for you.

Your scent has become chlorine to me.
Every whiff,
Every inhale,
Burns through my nostrils
And into my lungs.

And yet I still cant get enough.

I should know better by now
But its the exhilarating feeling that gets me every time
I can't stop myself
And this time you're hard to read
I have absolutely no idea what you are thinking
I cannot help but be more than intrigued
Especially because usually I have the ability to read people like a magazine
But no
Not you
You are a completely new mystery

You tell me I'm beautiful,
pretty,
gorgeous,
But why?
Because you are not tricking me,
But only yourself,
You think,
"If I tell her she's beautiful, maybe I will grow to believe it too."
Well sweetheart, it is working?
You ignore the flaws of my body, my face,
Only to deceive your own mind,
Because if you saw my flaws you might no longer love me,
You chose to ignore my acne,
Because if you didn't, you're afraid you would leave,
You chose to ignore my protruding chin when I smile,
Because you wish you had someone who could smile sunlight rays,
You chose to ignore the redness in my skin,
Because you want to believe what matters is within,
But is it working dear boy?
The more you use the word beautiful,
Does it make you any more confident being around someone who's not?

They say that actions
Speak louder than words
So please
Let me hold you close
And instead of whispering into your ear
I'll lean over
And plant my words
Directly onto your lips

for him
thank you:

for rubbing my back so i fall asleep
for moments when you make me laugh instead of make me cry
for loving me when i don't love myself
for kissing my forehead
for reminding me that there still are good people in the world
for caring about me
for calling me when its midnight and i can't stop crying
for telling me i'm beautiful
for days like today
for keeping my hands warm when it's cold outside
for keeping me safe
for laughing at my jokes
for letting me tickle you
for teaching me how to love again

When the boy said.
"I love you"
I nearly wept the tears which have been filling since the last one left,
Unsure of my feelings I turn away and look to the ground,
Searching,
For something,
To distract myself,
I see the garbage, with the used wrappers from our affairs,
Wondering, maybe that's why,
Because why would a boy love me for any other reason but my body?
Because I have been taught to beware those three words,
For those are the words which are spoken when he wants more,
More than your touch,
Or cress,
But your lips,
His, on you hips,
For when the boy said "I love you"
I was confused and concerned,
Because why would he,
Could he,
Love someone like me.

I don’t know what I would do
without your lips tracing those clustered purple lines
and your eyes telling me I’m beautiful anyway.
Without your hand on my swollen head
when I let eighteen years of **** burst onto that
plaid button-up I love so much.
Without your crude sense of humor making me laugh
until my ribs threaten to crack
and a snort escapes
(I don’t know how you think that’s cute)
And your professions and confessions that fill
my heart in ways I don’t understand but simply
can’t get enough of.
Without your being heating the back of mine
while I plant light kisses on your every finger
and that smile that gives away the lie
when you say you don’t like it.
Without those green eyes creating sparks in my soul
(Who knew I could house such a blaze?)
Without your jigsaw mastery
when I drop the puzzle and lose all the pieces.
I don’t know what I would do
without you.