Have you ever felt like you put on mask to hide what it is that truly eats you?
And gave everything you got to fight back  the moments that truly defeat you?
To wish upon a star that only occasionally shines
To pray to a angel who just no longer has the time
To wake up from nightmares while sleeping walking a dream
Hoping that this pretty world isn't as ugly as it seems
Am I a victim?
Course I'm a victim
I hear what you're saying doc
It's just easier not to listen
I'm looking back at the mirror
I see him clearer
He's the hatred I've had inside of me and I can feel him
Can you fix that?
Stop telling me to love my dad
It's easy to diagnose someone when you haven't walked a day in their past
I respect ya comments and cherish ya feedback
But you've never hated being half of what you are while fading back!
You've never took a pill to numb your open wound
You've never drank and wrote suicidal notes alone in your room
You've felt doom?
Tell me what it was like?
Did you forgive the outcome?
Or just enjoy telling me what's right?
Can't force a triangle into a square
Can't lead a army of broken hearts until you've felt despair
Don't you dare!
Sit there, look through me and stare
Come with me first
And I'll take you down the devils stairs
I'll show you lost
Show you pain and show you terror
Show you a little boy
Whose day's just never seemed to get better
I've given my all - I've tried my best and still came up short
I've married happiness - but never saw this sudden divorce
Forever I do!
I'd go back if she wanted me back
But the insecurities and memories get in the way of all that
Don't feel my pain!
Just look at me and smile back
I can't give in too this!
NO!
I will never do that
I've cried enough and ripped out plenty of hair
I've had a pity party! Sat alone, and pretended life wasn't fair
I've enjoyed the ride
Thought itd be better to die
I've broken promises - took a loss and even attempted to swallow my pride
I've yelled loud and did plenty that I'm not proud
I've had hope and more so even had doubt
I've had this - I've had that
No sense to repeating all that
I'm just done with the same story and continuing to look back
I'm sorry for my actions and questioning my reactions
Please just accept me!
It's simple and that's all that I'm asking
I've finally arrived
I'm here and so alive
I'm ready to get what I deserve
I'm ready for my time

The old me is dead, and that’s okay because...
I revived.

shattered bones
and i was drunk
i put my phone away
to watch the ghosts
come for me
lost my voice
saying goodbye
and there was nothing
left to write
at the end of summer
when time is slowed
and nothing grows

Broken.
Ripped apart.
Empty.
A void that needs to be filled.
Feeling nothing,
but the constant disappointment that rises up with every word written,
with every thought shattered like glass
Left on the floor
For someone else to walk over
For someone Looking for something,
but never finding
and never knowing why,
always needing,
only ever understanding
That nothing feels right
And every idea is ephemeral
Chopped up into tiny pieces
Then gone in  Seconds
Drifting away with every thought
Flying high like lost birds
And they never seem to find their way home now
The words are never together
Covered with scribbles that look like waves
Yet they don't flow like a river
They crash and smash into each other as they were a stormy sea
They Jump around the page
And when spoken aloud
All the words clash
Falling to the ground like droplets of rain
And it's over again
A page is filled with nothing but scribbles
And ideas that never fully form
Half done before it's given up and ripped out.
A pen is picked up
A page is turned
and everything starts again.

First, I try to think of a topic
Second, I think of new topics
Third, I come up with a topic.

But, my last post was similar to this topic
And how can I write two new things for the same topic
So, what can be another completely untouched topic.

Then, I begin to think of Genre,
Love, Break-up, Alone, Ethics, Morals

But I've posted about all these
What new can I think of now?

Every word falls deaf
Soundless songs depress, suppress
Any ability to breathe music (of my own)
An empty vessel, ravaged,
Through a torturous fountain of
Words: letters, syllables violently clawing
(Towards the Sun, any inkling of light)
Spewing in such a horrible way
Just to once again find relevancy
To flow like waterfalls, nurturing
The saplings of the low valleys
To bloom, and flower into peace and
Be Reborn.