The lights were dim,
and the noise was loud,
crowds of people all around.
I lost my way in the throng,
bourne along on the beat of the night.
Cigarettes needed, I left the bar
suddenly there you are.
You tried to chat I wanted none of that
just my smokes and a familiar face,
I tried with grace to let you know
move on, just go.
Just then I I knew my mistake,
you grabbed my arm and hissed in my face
“My name is John”
I tried to smile use some guile,
but you were hell bent, and all that I did seemed to provoke.
I choked the fear down, when I realised we were alone,
how did you get me here?
Wedged between the wall and the cigarette machine.
Croaks were all that I could summon as you undid my buttons,
frozen in fear, switched off from here.
Fight or flight?
Neither just fright.
I remember your smell, your touch, your words
I wanted to scream GO TO HELL but nothing came out.
The kisses were the worst,
no matter how hard I tried to move my head away
your lips, your tongue found their target.
Bruising me, pushing me, grabbing me, groping me
As you pinned my hands behind my back, I gave up,
Just like that.

I'm sorry, but how the hell is this my fault?

I remember the way the ice looked on the street that night.

The dullness of poorly lit lights paired with too much Seagrams 7 made it shine just enough to mesmerize sunken eyes.
Mine.

Just enough to convince you to stay.
Just enough it convinced me to stay.
Again, In the home I couldn't seem to escape.
Didn’t want to escape.

Back inside, dodging objects to stay alive.
Different sizes, different aims.
It was not just a game.

The monster I somehow loved,
dragging me away from all that is and was real.  
I thought he was real.

The same monster who didn't love me,
slipping away,
in that cold house,
on that icy street.

To be in love and to be loved are far from the same,
like you and me.  

Get away,
Before the ice is really the one to blame.

I saw you dancing with fairies in the forest
You gave me a book of spells
But I cast you away
I heard you sing lullabies for only my ears
You taught me to dance with knives
I stabbed you in the heart

I was trapped inside a white room
You could see me through the glass
While I was blinded by bright lights
We shared a visit
I tried to hold your hand
But it passed right through
An illusion of my grief disguised as you
You vanished
Leaving me to regret the last words I said

It must be summer where you are
Because it’s a dark world here without you
I hold onto anger for my mistakes
You must know I did it for you
Because I never got that last goodbye
I seek revenge, but I'm the one to blame

I wonder what I’ll blame it on this time.
       Thorns in the woods?
No… they’re too high up for that.
                  Maybe I just tripped and fell?
Nah. That’s just stupid
                            What about the cat?
…
                                                 That might work

They’ll have to heal and fade before I let my parents see them…
                                 I guess they’ll find out the truth sooner or later.
              I don’t want to drag them into this
I don’t want them to treat me differently…
                            I definitely don’t want to tell the therapist.

But the way things are going…

                                              May end badly...

                                             If i’m not careful.

                      Something needs to change,
        But I don’t want it to.
I don’t want to see the disappointment and fear
                              In their faces
                              In their voices

I don’t want them to treat me like i’m going to break at the slightest touch
          I don’t want them to worry about me
                                   They have enough to worry about.

                                            I just have to be careful,          
     And maybe everything will turn out ok.

                                                     I hope it will.

Well here i am, done being victim
Of thicker than bricks people who just won't listen
This is me letting go, final words
This is me breaking this ******* curse

When you try to help like the Fox to the Snake
Trust misplaced realising too late
Turned around and bit me like wait
I knew it all along now i know the game

Play on your mind and run it over
Like they always drunk driving don't know sober
Hopeless when again he told me so
I never learn coz i hold out hope!

Curtain calls I'm releasing the rope
Turned it into a noose this crow could choke
Liked to hear my pain when i turn insane
Over the fact that neither of us can really let go

I know you know i dont make mistakes twice
Reinforced by the fact that he wished suicide
Except I'm smart don't be a ******
Eminems words become something that hits real hard!

Asking for advice and i try to play nice
You played ***** and i tried that thrice
Told him about how i tried the knife
Can't keep your mouth shut so you run it like strife

Is all you cause my pain cause and effect
The effect you had slowly turned negative
Now we're back to strangers, these words are saviours
And steer me clear of ****, these top notch sailors!

Well the streets are flowing with slick spilled blood
Tsunami on the road causing a flood
You can't see at all you'd probably run
Into it like you do with drama for fun!

Well this **** is over, twas a good game
Insane you brought out but huh well played
Made me doubt my reasons to stay
Made me doubt twice now I've run away

All i ever did never once said thanks
Smelt the poison a mile off that **** smells rank
Ranked among the stupid that had such faith
Can't stop you sinking i came too late

I did so much for what little it was worth
Like Linkin Park I'm breaking this curse
Smash old habits, rap like a rabbit
Reach for the door, turn this handle I'm grabbing!

Huh, but i guess you'll never learn
That my mind is energy that makes me burn
So these fireproof gloves handle flaming doves
I'm a Phoenix ******* and you get no love