Men Cry...
     But only alone...
        When no one can see...

Mostly,
They fake being strong

What do they really need?
***? Love? Hugs?
All of the above....
          
So.... They go on a Journey
     to find... LOVE
Again and again...
They give up...
               again and again and again...

Then... when they least expect it...
Then... when You least expect it...

I sent you a message...
simply saying that I like you...

... Can you open your heart one more time?

... Can you drive for 4 hours one more time?

... Can you be excited to hold hands one more time?

... Can you... hug me... but send me to sleep into my room...

Can I be OK with you respecting me this much?

Yes... I'm a Big Girl now...

And this is why...
     I can hold you in my arms when you cry....
I can hold you....
    I can love You...

... And I'm going to be the one to offer you
a peace of metal to put on your... wrist...
that says... "I'm right here"

Be Present....
   Go on your new Adventure!
Go!
    Go!
       Go!
            .... Just * Go!!!

I'll be here...
   With the sun in my window...
And your heart in a frame in my bedroom...

I'm right here...

I promise....
   You know...
I respect myself so much more now...

              I will wait for You!

I live,
under the quilted
periwinkle skies,
of my room.
This is where
my clothes
amass themselves
and spread their empty
arm and legs,
like a stubborn,
overgrown child.

Have you ever
felt cooped up?
in a narrow space
that you call
your most comfortable bedroom

It could be
your most comfortable place
or the place
where you feel most tormented

A place to hide
from what you fear
but also the place
that imprisons you

the narrow box,
sometimes
it can be an echo of laughter
when other people are with you
but it can also
be a silent scream when you're alone

a bed
that only accompanies you
when you sleep
a pillow
that catches your tears

nobody hears you
because they all died

so who do you complain to
in your room
when you are sued
for mute?

Thinking about the future
makes me want to stay
in bed all day,
pretend that I don’t have to
get up and face the world,
yet the facts are drawn on
the ceiling of my bedroom.

i locked myself inside
so i can feel a sense of freedom

ironic isn’t it?

my room,
my space,
my thoughts,
my own little world

just a small room away from the stigma of this household that lies beyond that bedroom door

just a little something that isn’t yours to take along with the others you’ve already taken away

As we laid in bed
I pulled you closer and guided your arms around my body
for you to hold me like you once did before.
You didn’t resist but I could feel that the warmth between us,
that deep connection where our hearts beat together
had long since left.
In that moment I became desperate for you again.
I went to the bathroom and peed,
there were clothes all over the floor
and a spider tried to spindle its web in my hair
to which I had a fierce panic attack
especially when I saw the spider after frantically trying to dust it out of my hair
and off of me.
I returned to the bed and the other guy had left
so it was just me and you
and I took my shirt off and you laughed at how hard my ******* were and tweaked one of them.
I asked if you had plans for the day and you said no
and I said I wanted to spend time with you
because it was a nice day out
and you agreed
and I said that I wanted to talk
to which once again you seemed open to but less than interested in and I found myself back-peddling as to not frighten you away
but I knew that it was too late
and i could feel you realize that whatever hopes that you had of us being just friends
had turned into something you had to protect yourself from.
I slid over on top of you to get close and to smell you again
and you pushed me off
and I rolled off the side of the bed
onto the floor and laid there, cartoonishly, unable to move,
paralyzed in knowing that I would never be able to get close to you again
and I woke up thinking about how much
I love you.

This bedroom got boring
I hold in my breath til I’m pressured
just short of pain
and result :
The wall at the far end pushes back into the darkness
the bed raises on longer limbs
Now there is more territory
Inviting in a new metabolism
some organic animation