There was still a spark,
Still the smallest of flames,
Left over from the hell
That my life used to be.

For a while,
I thought it was gone.
Controlled and out of fuel.
But it never disappeared.
It lived off my smallest fears
And unexplainable doubts.

And when the one person
Who could control this hell fire
Left me when I needed them most,
The spark ignited
And the flame consumed me.

It burns my soul,
The smoke is choking me.
And with all the negative emotions
That I can't help but feel,
The fire only seems to grow.

It provides for my demons,
Makes them even stronger.
I don't want to lose myself again,
But they're the only thing
I hear in my head.

I have to battle them again,
But I'm already so tired.
Perhaps it is time,
I let my demons take over.

I feel as if I'm alone in a field
Army charging at me and all I have is this shield
In this battle I am the only one
Me vs them
I bet you can predict who won
I really did try to change the outcome
But there's too many of them and too little of me
There's water in my eyes they blur I can't see
I put up my hands I put up a fight
Still to be knocked down
In my sight now blue and white  
The clouds are moving fast
The feet around me trampling past
I build up some strength I get to my feet
When my vision is clear I see I'm staring back at me

In younger years, I dreamt
about flying over lakes and mountains,
and I dreamt about *******
slutty women in ****** motels.
Sometimes I battled noble samurai
on ancient Japanese hillsides.
I've lived out those subconscious musings
in one form or another.
Now, I rarely remember dreams.
The few that stand out are simple
reflections of life's boring troubles.
Maybe the trick is to find new adventures
that will keep our dreamscapes active,
interesting, forever alive.

It is coming
A gathering storm
Of men, swords, and horses
Ready to spill the blood of their fellow man
For reasons unknown
Except only to them

Brother strikes down brother
Family is forgotten in this storm
There are no bonds, nothing to distract them
Only a desire to ****

Blood shall be spilt
Bones shall be broken
As we observe this clash of blades
With smiles on our faces

I've been swimming all my life.

Treading; Floating.

Inside the infinity of all infinity pools.

Yet I never learned how to swim-


                                                                              Until I learned
                                                                              I could drown.

A shout.  A cry of triumph and all is silent.
The blast rings back through time and foreword to the end.
The chaos of battle, the order of music.

Beside me are others.  The breath erupts through us and we shout or sing through pipes of brass.

Triumph.

An end, a beginning, and all comes together
Now glad in song, now fierce in battle.

Triumph, alarm, and a final blast
From when I have said enough at last.

Razor Razor please be honest,
Who here has fought for the longest,
Razor Razor please don't lie,
Who has chosen not to die,
Razor razor drawing blood,
Who here has survived the flood,
Razor Razor causing pain,
Who has chosen to walk in the rain,
Razor razor in the shower,
Who has survived their darkest hour,
Razor razor cutting skin,
Remind them scars are not a sin,
Razor Razor you have been blamed,
Remind them they need not be ashamed
Razor razor have some fun,
Scars are marks from battles won,
Razor razor in the night,
Remind them they are winning the fight,
Razor Razor hold it in,
They're fighting a war and they will win!

I am walking in the hot summer wind
But I am shaking because the flowing tears were chilled.

My heart is running fast
And my head is aghast.

Hands are not free but held in the tight fist
I am afraid of seeing my bleeding wrist.

I feel someone's hand on my forehead
“Wake up sweety it was just a bad dream.”

My head is covered with sweat
But the firm hand of my mum abet.

In The battle with inner me
Days after days she wins
but
Today is the golden day cause I win..

Here I stand but against the odds in a world full of the unknown.  Waking by day and sleeping at night doesn't apply anymore. For things of my past left to the memories of a time long ago and shall remain for ever more. Though I exist now in the present of shattered dreams one by one became now none. What can be said or looked forward to of a future that lays ahead, a broken heart, a world full of me, or the promise to feel no more pain when im dead. Once a light shown bright and clear at the end of my tunnel now it's hard to find my way. Should I turn around and try and salvage the reminance of my life or face the hard truth that the promise he made is shattered as well and he will never make me his wife. Just when I believed I knew my purpose , I stand corrected but once again . Now with the odds still stacked against me it's time to raise my white flag and retreat. I faught a good battle but lost the war.
©kimmied1105

The battles I have lost,
Everyone can see.
The evidence is everywhere
On my arms,
On my legs
On my heart
On my soul.
Yet,
The battles I have won,
No one can see but me
I know I have won,
Because I don’t have a new mark
I know I have won
Because no one says anything
I know I have won
Because I don’t feel disgusted at myself
I feel happy when I win
I feel free without the voices bothering
I feel such joy from such the simplest things
But I know another battle is coming
I know there is a lower chance of me winning,
For I am already weakened from this one
These battles are slowly drowning me
These battles are slowly killing me.
I won’t be able to fight forever,
One day I’ll lose all hope
And when that day comes,
I know I have lost forever
To the demons,
The demons that won’t quit.
They invaded everywhere,
My mind
My body
My soul
My conscience
I know I should ask for help,
I know I should let someone know,
But that’s another battle altogether.
And I don’t think I’ll win it.