We need to talk

He said as I sipped wine in a bath tub
all while being watched by my cat
after a good work day
Feet don't hurt
at all.
Purring.

We really don't.

Luke warm bath verse. Can your fingers live on my thumb peninsula forever I hope. You groom me and I'll dump the water over your head. Sit in front of me, I like the way it feels when it pokes your back awkwardly. It's weird to me, only your toes wrinkle. I can be the hot towel and kisses on your eyelids. The morphine calls my veins, while you don't call my name. Ours was unlike anyones. It still is to me and the trailing cries of women who I tried to **** my heart out of your hands. Like shucking emptiness from already emptied containers. I'm living for the day I feel your hands on my face again. Again.

your body, the drain plug,
that climactic days of a day
murky sweet strawberry milk water
ebbs and sways
around, surrounds, and surmounts you

Your body the dumping ground
for pretty poppy seeds
seep, steep
seeded somewhere deep

as

synthetic stinging metaphor rain
pours on your mistreated singing skin
spotted, dotted, synaptic rule
akin to lemon poppy seed muffin tops
your head- a top
spins round
and mimics
never-ending bath drain whirlpool

ambulances and ambivalences soundtrack
this nocturne
night of a morning
mourning already
my poor lost sister
a little less than intact
lost in her head
I'm loosing her

and she's nodding

            and she's nodding

                          and she's nodding

                                    and she's nodding
and she nods
and grumbles,
fumbles for words that aren't there
four words that aren't there
forward isn't there

because what do you say
about matters
when your high
and breathing last breaths overlapping
in humble showers
in heart crumbling nakedness
your faithlessness trapping
murky sweet strawberry milk waters.

freckly nose and wrinkly toes (from bath water)
sway, "hey it's good to see you again, how long are you in town?"

"three days,"

even if we don't spend every minute together
just a night of locked hips is enough for me

my belly is soft
you grab my waist in the donut shop
you have an eye ****** but i don't tell you

Do you know that feeling,
When hot water,
Feels cold?
That is like your love.

You give the illusion,
Of being good,
When deep down,
I know you're bad.

Tonight I realized I was very wrong
It came to me in the form of a dream
When music bleeds to water running long
Not nearly unremarkable it seems.

Tonight I realized I was unfair, dear
To think a need for more was ever there
All of my worries amplified by fear
I might be seen as too mundane to bear.

You, you see the value in the quiet
Inestimable bliss to be entwined.
Raise my pulse to reach a screaming riot
With any touch or trinket you could find.

I'll ask for no one promise to abide,
Just dance with me and fall asleep beside

I'm broken today. Alone!
The closest person to me laughs with another.
She is in love you see.
Her voice changes to another tone.
Her excitement reaches another level.
Oh she laughs in love. In love with the one whom she is in love with.
I sit drowning in water, thinking...
What about me?
When will my laughter be over one whom I love?
When will my excitement levels rise coz I'm with someone whom excites me?
As my lifeless body is the only thing that fills the volume of water.
So is my companionship.
Life is the water and I am my body.
I take full mass and volume of my life.
It is only me, there is no other! Me and the water!
If I lie still, so does the water become stagnant.
Have i reached that stage that I am so alone, so still that life has become still as well.
No longer the ripples of flowing water.
Just stagnant still water.
I play my music to drown out the love filled chatter. To disappear the laughter.
Now I'm no longer the only volume filling this stillness.
Casting Crown plays telling me to Thrive.
They are singing to me, to fill my soul with one desire.
That I need to "Just to know you and make you know me. "
I turn the volume higher.
And so I sing aloud! Isn't that what you do when you go bath?
Sing at the top of your voice and not bother what others think!
If only Lord you were my full capacity. My volume. My mass!
That it was enough to know you and you know me!

fill a tub with rose petals
as the faucet cries
no time to mourn anyone
now
guitar hums with a slowness
i don't seem to remember
a lonely pain underwater
emotionless motionless
water mends
neck deep
when will the violin scream
when it does
promise me
you can't hear it either
from way down here